Breaking down V-day myths

By JENNIFER PALMBERG

Some say that Valentine’s Day is important because it reminds us to cherish our loved ones and treat them the way they deserve to be treated. Those of us who aren’t living in the world of make-believe know the truth.

Ladies know that Valentine’s Day means that you have to spend three hours getting ready for tonight.

Setting out that super-cute outfit you bought yourself last month, knowing someday there’d be a good reason to wear it. You’ve got to blow dry your hair, style it, put your makeup on, get your nails done, beg to borrow your best friend’s shoes (because none of your shoes match your outfit) only to find her shoes are too small, so you’ll have to put them on as your valentine is ringing the doorbell or your feet will blister so bad he’ll have to carry you to dinner.

And your valentine better have remembered to put rose petals on the bed, long-stemmed roses on the table, a thoughtful, handmade “I love you” card on the nightstand, and a gift of chocolate and diamonds to give you at the expensive dinner you’re going to tonight (that must have been reserved way in advance). Otherwise, your valentine isn’t going to see any action other than you slamming the door in his face at the end of the night.

Guys know that Valentine’s Day means you have to get up early to cut down the roses and steal petals from the rose garden on campus because you forgot to order flowers last week. You throw together a handmade card that reads, “I love you,” in hopes that she won’t notice you also forgot to get her a card last week. You had to stand in line at See’s Candies for two hours to get her a box of chocolates shaped like a heart, and then you stood in line for another hour or two at Gottschalks to get her some cubic zirconia jewelry, hoping that when you give them to her at dinner, she won’t know they’re not real diamonds.

Which totally reminds you that you forgot to make dinner plans, so you end up paying your single roommate $50 to prepare a romantic dinner for you and your valentine so you have time to get dressed and put everything together before you go pick her up.

And you know that she had better be wearing the cutest thing she owns or you’re leaving her behind to have dinner with your roommate, followed by heart-shaped chocolates for dessert. You can pack the fake jewelry away for your mom’s birthday and go to bed grumbling because your manly room now smells like girly roses, you didn’t get any action and, to top it off, you’re broke.

Single or coupled, it seems like it’s a lose-lose situation to celebrate Valentine’s Day. So let’s all make an effort to just ignore the holiday this year and for once leave the day as it should be: routinely comfortable.