Are you feeling down about your electric scooter being recently banned on the Fresno State campus? Many Fresno State students on social media have had varying opinions, from praising the ban, knowing they no longer have to live in fear of getting run over by a scooter, to criticism from the “I love going over 20 miles an hour in a school zone” group.
For those who get a high from almost running someone over on their scooter, here are some alternatives that can still help you get to class.
Walking
It might be scary, but our ancestors (and the other peasants of Fresno State without wheels) seem to somehow make it work.
By putting one foot in front of the other, they somehow managed to generate this electricity in their own bodies. With this electricity, they moved their legs and magically made it to their class.
If you are new to not using wheels, this may be a tricky place to start, so don’t feel too overwhelmed if you can’t get it right the first few times. Here are a few videos of some newbies starting and some real pros to help you get an idea of where to start and where you can end up with this new trick of yours.
A Different Set of Wheels
Now, if you’re really struggling with walking, try transitioning to a different set of wheels. Many people don’t know this, but electric scooters actually have a vintage version that people don’t like to think about. Like at all.
Impress other people when you tell them, “I own a regular Razor scooter,” as the look on their face twists between shock, disgust and pity.
They may ask, “Why don’t you just buy an electric one?” where you will then have to explain that either you didn’t think it was necessary to spend a few hundred dollars on a scooter, or you are a weirdo who likes to use your legs.
You could always pick the cooler, yet trickier, option of rollerblades or, even better, a skateboard. These take some time to learn, but at least you won’t be called “a grown man who rides a Razor scooter”.
Grown men have feelings, too, by the way.
Public Transportation
This is probably the scariest option for Fresno State students. The Fresno State student body is actually quite timid, and they are terrified of multiwheeled habitats that aren’t their own.
Trying to encourage them to take the bus will likely have the same level of success as trying to ask them to talk about a political opinion of theirs.
Now, a Fresno State student might think that taking the bus will destroy their street cred, but it actually won’t because the bus is always on the street! Also, you go to Fresno State, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
Take a chance on the bus. If you live at home with your parents and want to save gas money, then fake your parents out by having a dramatic argument with them. With tears in your eyes, yell something like “YOU’RE NEVER GOING TO SEE ME AGAIN!”
Then, to add some magic, try clutching a one-dollar bill when you run outside the door. This gives the illusion that you will go on a one-way trip, adding an extra layer of thrill before you go to your accounting class, which you’re probably waitlisted for.
Since your ID card gives you free rides, you can do this as many times as you want. At least until your parents start seriously thinking about paying for you to live in the dorms.
Crawling
If all else fails, you could always try wriggling your way to class on all fours. This is actually a great option for athletes, as it will have people asking, “Are they trying to target a muscle or target an injury?”
Even better, the amount of fear you will instill in the people around you will help clear pathways to get to your class faster.
While it takes some time to get used to, it will give you a mysterious and scary edge. Give this a try if you want to leave an impression on those around you. Just make sure hand sanitizer and lotion are added to your daily routine.
