My open letter to Rachel McAdams
I Make This Look Good
Chhun Sun |
DEAR RACHEL MCADAMS,
Congratulations on all of your success.
You deserve it all. You’re a breath of fresh air, you know, the kind that can make an old man on his deathbed come back to life for a few seconds.
You’re not like all those other actresses who uses her sex appeal to attain roles, because you have all the acting chops that will make you become the next Juliet Roberts.
 Stop blushing.
But really, I’m glad you haven’t died in any of your movies. Well, except for “The Notebook,” but you were old and had Alzheimer’s disease, and by the time your death approached, you morphed into Gena Rowlands. That was a close one.
Then again, why did Cillian Murphy have to be so mean to you in “Red Eye”? I wanted to rip his heart out and run over it with my car, put my car in reverse and then run over it again. That’s besides the point, though.
The point of this letter is to let you know that Valentine’s Day is tomorrow. (That is, if you don’t know already, Sweetie.) To be honest with you, though, I’m not the Valentine-type but I thought this year could be different if you could spend Feb. 14 with me. I know, I know. It’s a bit much.
There are so many obstacles in our way.
For one, we both live a busy life. But we can make it work if we make sacrifices. You take a day off from filming and I’ll call in sick at the orphanage.
You’re a bit older, too. But don’t let that stop you. In Hollywood, dating younger men is the thing to do. Just look at Ashton Kutcher and Justin Timberlake.
Then there’s the darn boyfriend — Ryan Gosling, or, as I like to call him, Ryan Awful. Hahaha. I bet that made you laugh.
That’s the dude who fell in love with you while the two of you were filming “The Notebook,” resulting in the two of you to become the real-life Noah and Allie.
Now, I just hope you don’t get Alzheimer’s disease.
See how caring I am?
I’m sorry to say this, but Mr. Awful is not for you. You deservebetter. He has no personality. No sense of style. No redeeming qualities. And I have about 18.
Just think about it.
I knew you could be someone special when I saw you in “The Notebook.”
I just remember thinking, “Wow. She’s beautiful. She’s doing such a great job in this movie. Too bad no one’s gonna know about her.” That was the summer of 2004.
Then I saw “The Wedding Crashers” and I made the connection.
You’re the girl in “The Notebook.” And you were the girl in “Mean Girls.” You just had different hair colors. You’re such a chameleon, Rachel. Hahaha.
From that point on, I started renting your movies.
Even your first one, “The Hot Chick.”
That wasn’t a great movie. It spent too much camera time on the dwarf Rob Schneider. That’s like having Jay-Z on a record and not allowing the rapper to rap. I think it’s silly, too, Rachel. But I still enjoyed the film.
If you had a TV show where you just peeled an orange for an hour, I’d watch it. I’d even TiVo it.
I know I didn’t say much about me, but I don’t think it’s necessary here. We can spend all our time getting to know me when we spend the rest of our lives together.
In the meantime, just don’t die. I mean, in your movies.
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