The joys and pitfalls of having a boyfriend
By Valerie Westen
The Collegian
MEN, MEN, MEN. We love them but they are such a pain. Do you remember how simple life was before you met your man? I am sure you hated it. Like me, you probably wanted your Prince Charming to come sweep you off your feet to take you to his castle somewhere on a beach.
As much as I wish my life were a fairytale, I soon realized I had to review my expectations if I didn’t want to stay single for the rest of my life.
So finally you meet this guy. He’s cute and very sweet, and you end up falling for the attention he gives you and the fact that he wants to see you all the time. But don’t be fooled ladies, aren’t they all like this at first? Look for other qualities because these could away quickly.
“My boyfriend is so cute, he gets me flowers for no reason. My boyfriend is so amazing, he’d rather spend time with me watching a movie than being at the bar with the boys.” This is the song we usually sing the first three months of the relationship.
But slowly the tune changes a bit. “My boyfriend is so nice he took the garbage out for me (after you asked him five times). My boyfriend is so cute he only went out with the guys six times this week.” But, ladies, keep a positive attitude. As long as he doesn’t lie or cheat, you may have found a precious gem, so keep him.
The problem is that slowly the relationship may become a routine and you might think you don’t get the attention you deserve. So what do we all do in these circumstances? Nag, yell, cry, you name it. Best thing to do: call your mom. Moms know exactly how to deal with every situation. Mine saved my relationship a few times, believe it or not. And her favorite word is compromise.
That’s a beautiful word, compromise. Just wish our boyfriends would understand it before using it against us in an argument like, “I came home on time for dinner, I just want to go have a few beers with my buddies now, why can’t you compromise?”
You must be kidding; it was a compromise for you to come home to eat a delicious meal cooked by your girlfriend who did the dishes while you were lying on the couch?
But you all know that you cannot change them unless they are willing to change themselves, so don’t even waste your time trying. We nag a lot, but then again, we are women, isn’t that what we do? Unfortunately, nagging is the best way you can make a man tired of you.
JAMIE TURNDORF, A couples therapist, explains why. “Because many women find it difficult to directly communicate their needs, they fall into the fatal trap of whining and nagging about what they aren’t getting rather than directly stating what they want, need, or expect from their partner. Unfortunately, it doesn’t put a man into a giving mood, and a vicious cycle is born: The more her man starves her of what she wants, the more she nags and the less likely he is to be responsive to her wishes.”
If you read a book called “Why men lie and women cry” by Allan and Barbara Pease, you will understand the more you nag the less he’ll listen to you and eventually he’ll start lying to you to avoid the nagging. At this point, girls, you’ve lost your man.
So should we just stop nagging? This is easier said than done. But look at it this way — a relationship is not always roses and butterflies. That’s how things go: the first three months won’t last forever and you will discover the real him, who might not be ready to give up everything for you and become responsible and considerate. My best advice: avoid nagging and be patient.
But if you cry everyday, is it worth it? Do you want to wait around and become a desperate housegirlfriend, hoping he will change or take the risk to let him go and hope that someone else make you number one in his life?
Hold on boys, don’t accuse me of judging you just yet. You are not all the same and I’m sure you consider yourself the nicest boyfriend in the world. We do pay attention to the little things you do for us. Just try to do them more often. We are your queens, your fans, and your best friends. If you decide to take your girl out to a romantic restaurant on a Saturday night instead of going out with the boys for once, it’s more than just a sacrifice, that’s love.
Michael Culver and the staff editorial will return on Feb. 27
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