Bring back the old Bobby Brown

DEAR MR. BROWN,

Hey, Bobby. How you doing? Wait. I shouldn’t be so crude. I know all too well you’re not at your best right now, mainly because you’re always in the news for all the wrong reasons. Like the other week, you were arrested while you were picking up your kids from school, because you were violating probation.

Don’t worry about it, though.

Things happen.

I have faith in you, Mr. Don’t-Be-Cruel.

You can always be the old Bobby Brown I used to love back in the late 1980s and early 1990s when cassettes ruled the planet. When Afros were the norm. When tight biker-shorts looked really cool. When you were considered a bad boy in R&B. When, during the 1989 Loma Prieta earthquake, my mom had to pull me away from the family’s insanely large boom box that I was using to listen to your “Don’t Be Cruel” album and moved me under one of the doorframes.

That’s how much I loved you.

You still have a place in my heart. Last weekend I purchased a DVD of all your great videos, from “Every Little Step I Take,” to “My Prerogative,” to “Humpin’ Around,” and my favorite Bobby Brown song of all time, “Don’t Be Cruel.”

Watching the videos, I can see why a beauty like Whitney Houston fell for you. You had some nice moves back then.

It’s a lot different now. You haven’t released a solid good album since, shoot, I don’t even know when. You had a reality show with your wife recently, but it only made you look worse. Basically, you’re always going to be a joke, which I’m sorry to say.

But I still love you, Bobby Brown. I love the fact that you were the bad boy of New Edition, and when things weren’t going your way, you decide to go solo. That was the worst and best move you ever made for your career. You became an icon, someone who knew how to gyrate his hips like a belly dancer and was cool as a polar bear’s toenails when it came to getting the ladies. Then you changed.

In the 1990s, you started to turn into the poster boy for the Superstar-Turned-Crackhead image. You watched your career crumble. Not only that, you took Mrs. Brown (Whitney Houston) down with you.

There’s no turning back, that’s what I thought.

Then came Ja Rule. He gave you a shot. You made a hit song with him, and I remembering everyone saying, “If there is one person who could bring back Bobby Brown, it’d be Ja.” But the thing is, the glorified shower-singer/rapper had his own troubles, mostly with 50 Cent.

Of course, there were other shots of making a comeback. But like not studying for an exam, you failed miserably.

But, Bobby, I’m your biggest fan. That’s why I think you still have some hope. And being your biggest fan, I have some tips for you.

1. Stop doing drugs. Crack, weed, air-spray cleaners — whatever it is, please just stop. You’re messing up your head. And I know it’s easy for me to say this because I stay away from any kind of drugs, even the prescription kinds, but you need to know that it’s all bad for you.

2. Go back to your old music. These days, the music sucks. Every song is about the booty or drugs or cars or jewelry. You need to take it back, when you had lyrics like this: “Girl, the only thing that matters in my life/ Is that I’m down for you and treat you right/You’ve got no call to treat me cold as ice.” If that’s not sweet, I don’t know what is.

3. Let go of Whitney. I know that’s hard to do. You two are like the modern day Bonnie and Clyde. Or, better yet, Ike and Tina. Just do it, and watch your career come back to life.

I hope you understand that I’m just being a considerate fan. Just try to take up my advice. Maybe it’ll work. Whatever you do, don’t be cruel.

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