Yes I'm Latino and no I don't speak Spanish

By Angelita Caudillo
The Collegian

Being a Chicano or Latino and not knowing Spanish is just as hard as not knowing English.

I prefer to call myself a Chicano instead of Latino because I was born in America. Latinos are usually from Latin American and have stronger ties to Latin culture than Mexican culture.

I’m one of a small, growing population of Chicanos who don’t know our native language: Spanish.

Having a Spanish name doesn’t help me either. Mexicans and others expect one to be able to speak it because of my name. Even though people’s assumptions are unfair, I love my name because it’s uncommon and has real meaning. Angelita means little angel.

Even at work I have Spanish speakers who see my physical features and hear my name, Angelita, and come up to me and ask “Hablo Espanol?”

All I can say is “I’m sorry I don’t speak Spanish.”

Then I think to myself: Why should I be sorry?

Of course I wish I knew Spanish, it’s a part of my cultural identification. I wish I could speak it. Don’t get me wrong, I do understand some Spanish, “poquito” or a little bit.

It really doesn’t encourage me to learn the language when the next thing I hear a woman say, in Spanish, to her husband is “Isn’t she Mexican?” He responds by saying “I don’t know, she looks Chinese to me.”

I understood enough of the couple’s Spanish to put their conversation together. But it truly boggles my mind how much Latinos will put down their own people.

When someone finds out I don’t speak Spanish they tend to automatically assume I am ashamed of my background. This is probably the reason why some Latinos get angry with me.

I shouldn’t be penalized because I was never taught Spanish as a child. This is the way I was brought up.

Fear is the biggest reason why the number of young-Chicano-non-Spanish speakers are growing at such a fast rate.

Latinos, like my grandmother, became fearful of speaking their native language because their grade school teachers would punish them for speaking Spanish in class.

Imagine being punished for speaking your first language in your hometown or village. That’s like Americans sitting in a math class and being told to speak French and French only.

Because of these childhood experiences, many Latinos, not because they were ashamed but because of fear, did not teach their children Spanish.

As a result, some Mexican families went through several generations before Spanish was taught again at home.

These Latinos did not want their children to have to go through the same discrimination they had to endure growing up.

For Latinos or Chicanos to look down on others because they don’t speak the language is a serious form of race-on-race discrimination that’s often hidden.

The same fear my grandmother had of being scrutinized by her peers has been passed down to me.

I’ve had the opportunity to take classes at Fresno State to learn Spanish but I haven’t enrolled because of fear.

I fear being discriminated against from other Latinos and Chicanos and that some of them may look down on me.

I know it may seem to be a poor excuse, but wouldn’t you hate having to explain yourself to every other person? It gets old.

Over the summer I gave a speech at the San Joaquin Valley Chicano/Latino Youth Leadership Institute and I talked about this same issue.

During my speech I explained I’ve always been ashamed because I didn’t know Spanish and how I felt as though I was out of touch with my culture. I believe language is my barrier to being a true Mexican.

While I was in high school I attended a statewide version of the same conference in Sacramento. I remember being taught it doesn’t matter if I know Spanish or not, but that I know who I am. If I take the time to learn about my culture and background I shouldn’t feel ashamed.

That’s the message I was trying to relay to the young people I was now speaking to.

After giving my speech, an older Latino man came up to me and said, “Don’t be ashamed you don’t know Spanish. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel bad. That is a part of who you are.”

I’m glad he told me that. This should be everyone’s mentality.

We can’t help how we’re brought up, but we can embrace each other aside from our differences.

It all comes down to our upbringing. Our parents taught us what they believed to be right and that’s to be respected.

So if you’re a young Chicano or Latino dealing with this same type of shame, don’t. Don’t let other people define who they want you to be, you are still Mexican.

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