Breaking up goes high-tech in a Sidekick world

By Holly Grover
The Collegian

New technology seems to be offering people an easy way out.

Of relationships, that is.

But just because it’s convenient to send a breakup text message doesn’t mean it’s right, Fresno State ethics professors said.

“Dump as you would want to be dumped,” said professor Andrew Fiala. “Obviously no one wants their heart broken,” Fiala said. “Be honest. Ordinary ethical rules would guide you…the golden rule. Do unto others as you would have them do to you,” Fiala said.

Following the golden rule when ending a relationship means doing your breaking up before you start making out with someone new, Fiala said.

“Break up before you start seeing someone else,” he said. “Lying never works. Honesty and talking through it helps.”

To avoid turning a breakup into a shouting match, Fiala said it’s best to remain calm and accept some responsibility for the relationship’s demise. A student might say, “This is partially my fault. There seems to be a flaw in me that I’m just not attracted to you anymore,” Fiala said.

With more students communicating through e-mail and messenger services, ethics professor Barbara LaBossier, said face-to-face communications can suffer.

In a relationship, it is important to be able to see the other person, so you can work out issues and communicate, LaBossiere said. “Face to face fights are important so you feel like you’ve accomplished something.”

LaBossiere said it’s ok for students to break things off with a phone call or e-mail if the relationship is brand new.

However, if the relationship has developed past the first-few-dates stage, it is better to break up in person, she said.

Fresno State student William Melendez knows someone who was dumped via instant message. “He was better off,” Melendez said.

Melendez said he believes breaking up over the Internet is wrong. “It leaves things open ended, he said. “In person, it closes.”

There are ways to comfort friends who have had a recent break up, Melendez said. “Have fun with them, take them out to lunch. There are times they need to reflect…soon enough they’ll be joking about it,” he said.

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