Making relationships go the long-distance

By Carina Portillo
The Collegian

Many students have heard the old saying, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” For couples dealing with a long-distance relationship, that absence may be just enough for them to reach the breaking point.

Insecurity, jealousy and communication issues are common obstacles for couples. Gena Gechter, coordinator of Psychological Services at the Health Center, said that building a solid relationship from the start is key.

Jennifer Potts can certainly agree.

Potts, a 20-year-old liberal studies major, has been in a long-distance relationship for about a year and a half. Her fiancé is currently stationed in Japan serving in the Marines.

“It’s obviously hard to be away from the person you love,” Potts said. “You don’t get to be there to experience everything they are going through.”

Potts began dating her fiancé when he returned from a tour in Iraq. The pair knew each other from high school and a mutual friend helped get their relationship going.

“I didn’t think it was going anywhere at first,” admitted Potts. “I didn’t think he even wanted a long-distance relationship. Most guys don’t.”

Potts made it known that her relationship takes a tremendous amount of time, effort and above all, communication.

“We talk on the phone a lot. We also do e-mail and instant messaging,” Potts said. “But we still get jealous that we both get to hang out with other people.”

Gechter pointed out the major difference between long-distance and being emotionally distant. “This is defined by the couple,” Gechter said. “With things like e-mail and text messaging, relationships are much more communicative now. In the old-fashioned way, people had to write letters to each other.”

Gechter also explained how people sometimes felt jealous or concerned with their partners far away, but this usually only occurred when one person had the tendency to be insecure.

The issue of simply missing each other seemed to be Gechter’s biggest complaint from long-distance couples. This combination of separation and communication issues has ended some relationships, like that of 19-year-old Rocio Fernandez.

“I was in the relationship for about a year. We started going out my senior year of high school,” Fernandez said. Fernandez moved to Fresno after graduation, as her then-boyfriend left for North Carolina.

“We wrote to each other and talked on the phone sometimes, but it was pretty hard,” Fernandez recalled. “Our long-distance relationship lasted about two months after that.”

One thing that both Potts and Fernandez seem to agree on are the high and low levels of stress they experienced during the courtship.

Potts, who has a job and is taking 21 units this semester, admitted that not having her fiancé around has freed up some of her time. “It’s easier sometimes to talk to him on the phone while I’m doing homework,” she said.

In agreement, Fernandez remembered how the lack of little day-to-day arguments made things less stressful for her, as compared to her other relationships.

Gechter has heard similar accounts from other students in this kind of relationship. “Sometimes, being in college can have a positive role,” she said. “If they know it’s only temporary, then part of their plan is to reunite.”

Though there is no clinical definition for what constitutes a long-distance relationship, both Potts and Fernandez made it clear that not everyone may be suited for it.

“Personally, I would not get into another long-distance relationship,” Fernandez said. “No matter how much trust or how much you ‘think’ you love that person, it all changes when they are far away.”

Still, couples like Potts and her fiancé have managed to keep strong. “If we ever didn’t work out, it won’t be because of the distance,” Potts stated. “But if you slack off and expect everything to be okay, it won’t.”

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