The task of keeping up on elections

State's numbering of propositions makes it hard to

know how to vote

IN THE MAIL today, I received a small newspaper from the ACLU, which, among other things, urged me to vote NO on Proposition 85.

I wasn’t shocked, really — I wouldn’t put it past the ACLU to take a stance on something. What that something happened to be is a different story.

Here was my understanding of the issue prior to reading the article: Proposition 85 urges the voter to vote (presumably YES) on a set of predetermined issues that the voter, at the time of voting, should be familiar with and have readily accessible in moving between voting on Propositions 84 and 86.

After reading, of course, I was aware that it is much, much different than I’d anticipated.

In actuality, Proposition 85 is a measure designed to strip minors of the inalienable right to keep secrets from their parents, suppress and even reverse the independence of women, and set the stage for a brand of totalitarianism that the world hasn’t seen since Moses had to secret the Jews out of Egypt, but worse, since oceans don’t move half as easily for pregnant teens.

Phew — I’m sure glad they cleared that up for me.

Really, though, the measure sounds suspiciously familiar to something I remember voting for last year. Proposition 73, was it? 68? 37? 76? I’m glad I’m not an accounting major — it’s hard to keep all these numbers straight! In any case, I’m sure that last year, I had to look it all up too.

I must say, I was a little ashamed that I didn’t know. I like to think of myself as politically aware — I mean, I’ve seen every episode of “The West Wing.” Certainly, my ignorance could not have been my own fault.

It is the fault of professors, who won’t stop giving midterms long enough for me to read up on the issues. It is the fault of customers, who order just enough pizzas to keep me from feeling politically informed. It is my neighbors’ faults, as they all have neglected to put any signs up this year telling me how they are voting. It is my mail carrier’s fault, who, in coming well after 4 p.m. regularly, brings the mail too late for me to get through the requisite amount of political propaganda I need to feel secure about all these issues and still have time for the rest of my life.

This week, as with every week, I turned to my friend Derek, who goes to school at UC Davis, for moral support.

“Derek,” I asked, “How do you feel — off the top of your head — about Prop 85?”

“I forget which one it is,” he replied.

“Tell me anyway,” I urged.

“I feel that on the absentee ballot, it’s in the second column — and it’s the one near the bottom.”

I don’t vote absentee, so I can’t confirm this assertion. If that is incorrect, just remember that nobody’s perfect, especially not Derek.

It’s not that I run in the most ignorant of circles. Both Derek and I can be passionate about some political issues. Indeed, Derek and I made the decision to join the ACLU simultaneously, so I guess his unawareness must come from failing to check his mail regularly.

We’ve both decided, though, that these issues — at least, the way they are presented, designated only by number — are simply uninviting, indeed demand to be forgotten.

We brainstormed, and decided that what these propositions absolutely need are catchy titles, names to remember them by. “Proposition ‘You’re Not A Patriot If You Don’t Vote For This,’” Derek suggested, though I can’t imagine what measure in particular he might be referring to.

In the meantime, I’m hoping that, with little more than a week to go before election day, Derek and I and the rest of the country can catch up with all of our respective states’ numbers.

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