A Pandora's box of worst case scenario pick-up lines
HOPELESS AND ROMANTIC by NYRIE KARKAZIAN & JENNA NIELSEN
We've all heard tired pick-up lines before. Go ahead and enjoy these
ones, but under no circumstance should you use any of them... EVER!
• How do you like your eggs for breakfast? Scrambled, boiled or fertilized?
If you wake up one morning lying next to some strange, hairy man who  uses
this line a) you made a big mistake last night b) you should tell him
you are extremely allergic to eggs and c) hit him over the head with the
frying pan, pray that you didn't give him your phone number and run. P.S.
Don't forget to grab your clothes on the way out.
• Your name should be Campbell's because you're Mmmm...
Mmmm... good!
If some giant of a man says this to you he may mean it literally and try
to eat you. If he begins to chase you around with a large spoon, be afraid.
Be very, very afraid.
• You might as well sleep with me because I am going
to tell everyone we did it anyway.
In this case, women, you might as well listen to the man and do what he
says.
• I might not be the best looking guy in here, but I
am the only one talking to you.
However rude this may sound, we must admit that he does have a point.
Talking to anyone is better than talking to no one. Rather than sitting
by yourself looking like a pathetic loser, you should be happy that someone
is giving you their valuable time.
• Your body's name should be Visa, because you're everywhere
I want to be.
Tell the man your credit has been cancelled and if he seriously tries
again just say "credit card declined." If he tries to salvage
his pathetic attempt to impress you once again tell him you are going
to have to confinscate his Visa and cut it in half.
• If you were a hamburger at McDonald’s you'd be McGorgeous.
If you are being referred to as a hamburger, that should not be considered
the highest of compliments. If being named after a hamburger strangely
turns you on, ask him if he would like some fries with that shake.
• You might not be the best looking girl in here but
beauty is only a lightswitch away.
Ok, likewise buddy. She probably doesnt think you are all that, either.
In fact, it would probably take a lot more than a lightswitch for you
to turn her on, considering she was probably thinking about turning all
the lights off when you approached her anyway.
• Was your dad a farmer? Because you have great melons.
We don't grow melons here in the San Joaquin Valley, we grow grapes. And
if you refer to her chest as a pair of grapes, she may beat you senseless
until your face looks like a raisin.
• Hey baby, what's your sign? Caution, slippery when
wet, dangerous curves ahead...yield?
Answer, "Baby, my sign is Do Not Enter. You are going the wrong way."
Good luck and happy dating!
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