Plumbers of the modern day PC

By NICK BLANCHARD

I had computer trouble some time back. “Trouble” refers to a download I could not find. I searched high and low, all over the great World Wide Web.

Alas, the particular download I needed was nowhere to be found.

“Oh fiddlesticks,” I said, or some other expletive. I now knew that I would have to talk to the resident computer expert. Oh fiddlesticks, indeed.

Approaching computer experts is a painful exercise. They get that look, as if now they can avenge that Dungeons and Dragons game the middle school baseball team so rudely interrupted. So they take on pretensions and humiliate you until they finally solve the problem, at which point you humbly bow and run away, clutching your computer.

I imagine they think of themselves as shamans, oracles, or wise men-on-mountaintops. I think of them as the new plumbers. Reflect on it for a while. Both prey on the ignorance of the casual user. Both use specialized jargon (e.g. ballcock, java script) and other esoteric nonsense to keep customers in the dark. And though it is a superficial observation, both tend to be on the portly side. Granted, that last point is a mean-spirited dig at both groups, but they must come to realize that they are in a service industry.

Customers appreciate their skills and talents. I love the convenience of indoor plumbing, and I would not trust myself to sweat-solder copper pipe. Similarly, I would not trust myself to C++ programming. I am happy to pay for expertise, so long as it is not from someone obviously condescending to help me.

So, paying public, remember that not all of the dignity in the room belongs to the man with perilously low pants, crouching next to your PC’s tower. You, too, have the right to good personal, as well as technical, service.