Etiquette not dead in society, only crippled by convenience

By Sharon Altaras, KRT Campus

Please—no more cheap clothes, splintering furniture, lint-covered carpets, moldy bathroom sinks or chili-encrusted microwaves.

For the allure of a little time and money saved, our generation has forfeited the sense of propriety that would contribute to a higher quality of life.

Only recently did the distinction between my own standards and those of the women born a few generations before me, become obvious.

I spent a recent Sunday visiting my 83-year-old great aunt and her 92-year-old friend and I was amazed by how neatly attired and made-up they were, and by how much pride they took in having clean apartments that were decorated and inviting.

But what their generation knows about buying furniture, welcoming guests and interacting with strangers has been lost to many of us.

Not only are our living environments a tribute to harried schedules and lack of discipline, but our rude driving habits and punctuation-free e-mails reveal a lot, too.

A friend of mine, 30 years older than me, said that etiquette—rules that guide behavior in social settings—brings civility to life.

Curiously, I had always assumed etiquette was just a way for people to prove their superiority. As a result, I thought nothing of eating from Tupperware containers, carelessly speaking my mind in public or using the wrong fork at dinner.

Yet, choosing to surround yourself with a few classy things in your home rather than a bunch of junk, or putting effort into your attire when you’re just going to the bank, or even adhering to stuffy convention at times is more about showing respect than snootiness.

True etiquette is not designed to penalize those who are uninformed or different. It exists to provide an interactive common ground based on tastefulness, cleanliness and consideration, and it comes in many modern forms.

Being polite, dignified and willing to learn transcends all borders, and therefore, etiquette is not a class issue.

It’s unfortunate that etiquette is no longer taught in the public school system. Emily Post may be gone, with her detailed guidelines for everything from making party sandwiches to paying for dates to planning a wedding.

But social protocol is alive and well.

It has evolved right along with cell phones and instant messaging and speed dating.

And for young people who think that it doesn’t pertain to their lives or is too hard to learn, a quick Internet search should change their minds.

Instead of discarding a seemingly old-fashioned system, it’s worth looking into the reasons behind all the rules and guidelines that make social interaction more graceful and efficient.

Respect and civility are the goals, not perfection.

— Sharon Altaras is a writer for The Seattle Times. Responses may be sent to collegian@csufresno.edu