More random thoughts: Sex Sells

Thoughts from the Doghouse

By Alberto Magallanes & Ryan Ramos

Y ou know when you’re in class, your mind starts to wander, and you come up with weird thoughts like, “Did anyone else get seasick from watching ‘Pirates of the Caribbean?’” Well, we decided to write them down. Enjoy.

• Hopefully, you enjoyed your spring break. In case you’re not sure, here’s some ways to tell if your vacation sucked: 1) Instead of going to Cancun, Rosarita or Fort Lauderdale, the only city you visited was Clovis. 2) You went back home for the week and your parents celebrated your return by having you remodel their house. 3) You spent all week studying because some ungodly professor gave you homework over the break. Personally, we think they hate us because we’re young. That’s right, we said it.

• Freshmen Tip #94: Remember to use your credit cards wisely so you won’t damage your credit rating. Alberto’s friend Chris has such bad credit he can’t even get approved for a Vons Club card.

• There’s talk Bobby Brown might get his own reality show. In the first episode, watch the tearful reunion between a man and his estranged crack pipe. (We spent an hour and a half arguing about whether “crack pipe” was one or two words. We finally said screw it and let our editor figure it out.)

• Here’s a list of some of our many pet peeves. Maybe these things piss you off too: 1) When Save Mart only has one checkout open and there’s like a hundred people in line. The line’s so long, you’d think they were giving away free porn. 2) Cars with old bumper stickers that are no longer relevant. “Perot in ’92.” What the hell is that about? 3) People who don’t have the stones to turn right on a red light. (Alberto: “It’s because of you that I’m late to Music 187.”)

• Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey are supposedly getting their own shows on ABC. If we really wanted to sit around and watch a bunch of second-rate performers, we might as well go to a Grizzlies game. Hell, at least there we can get some nachos.

• Alberto’s Thought of the Week: A girl beat me at one of my favorite video games. I thought I had sunk really low. Then I heard about the guy who got pimpslapped by Richard Simmons. Just when you thought you hit rock bottom, there’s always someone who manages to fall 100 feet lower.

• Freshmen Tip #356: If you ever oversleep and don’t have time to take a shower, don’t even bother coming to class. You don’t want us, and we don’t want you.

• “American Idol” reject William Hung just released a CD of cover songs. It’s safe to say this guy’s 15 minutes were up half an hour ago. By the way, doesn’t the name William Hung sound like some out of work porno actor?

• Apparently, many thought our last column was our best one (except for those of you who still think we suck). Incidentally, it was also our most vulgar. Gee, who would’ve guessed that college students would be drawn to profanity and sexual innuendo?

— These columnists can be reached at collegian@csufresno.edu