College is supposed to be the time of our lives. 

Think about it: we’re young, wild, free and bunched together like a pack of sardines, expected to figure out what we’re doing with our lives in about four short years. 

I remember listening to the adults in my life chalk up college to be this majestic, free-spirited time where I would “find myself” and what I love. So, the concept of college became a sort of facade — a fantasy that I expected to magically come true. 

I’m only a second-year student, but I think I’ve lived enough of my college life to discuss the question that plagues Reddit comment sections and seemingly every red pill podcast discussion: 

What even is the “college experience?” 

Here’s the thing: it’s subjective, and certainly much harder to pinpoint on a campus like Fresno State, where farmland and questionable alleyways make up the main surroundings. On campuses like Arizona State University and San Diego State, the “party culture” is much more prevalent, so this question doesn’t hang as largely in the air. For students at renowned party schools, it’s already partially answered. 

What I do know is that the phrase “college experience” has developed a negative connotation, mostly associated with hookup culture and generally nefarious activities. Oh, and I can’t forget to include that this narrative is usually only perpetrated on women. 

So far, as a woman, I’ve loved college at Fresno State. I’ve changed as a person more than I ever have before, found my career passion, strengthened relationships with my loved ones and met a group of amazing people here at The Collegian who I consider to be family.

My college experience has been made up of late nights chasing breaking news, coffee runs to keep my eyes open in the office and a whole lot of go, go and go. I’m busier than ever, and I’ve never felt more like the woman I always wanted to be. I’m also a huge Fresno advocate and firmly believe that there’s activities to do, people are just too lazy to find them. 

Sitting next to the angel on my shoulder, however, is the devil. There’s also been a whole lot of hurt throughout my time here. Growing up is painful, and often, college can feel like a big fat thrust into adulthood. I’ve had to learn how to wade through some pretty gnarly situations, and this seems to be the unspoken part of college. 

People joked about the “canon events” that I’d come face-to-face with, but no one really prepared me. Maybe that’s where we have it all wrong. 

I was told by people and the media that to have a true college experience, I had to date around as much as possible, rack up a “roster” of men, drink a whole lot, eat very little and basically become an unhinged, slippery person who constantly exists in a hangover. 

Listen, that might be your cup of tea, and if so, I am absolutely not judging. That life has accumulated a lot of talk for a reason, so ignore me. 

But the more I think about it, that agenda is probably causing more harm than good. If the caliber for what it means to have a fruitful college experience is what I just discussed, then what about those of us who simply don’t find fulfillment that way?

Is our college experience suddenly dull? 

Don’t mistake me for being boring. I promise I’m not. I’m just being realistic. Literally, life is not all sunshine and rainbows, and that idea of college is really hard for me to get behind. 

Almost always, the women who fall into the ideology where morals disintegrate are followed by the ghost of regret. If not now, then a few years down the line, when settling down starts looking hotter than a random guy at a party. 

My biggest gripe? It’s usually men who benefit from this cycle of pain. I mean, what average college-aged guy wouldn’t want a woman to play around with who fits this criteria? But they’re never there to pick up the pieces. 

Maybe this whole idea of a set-in-stone college experience should be left in 2025, and we should all stop being so square about it. 

The stereotypical college experience isn’t for everyone, and that’s OK. In the end, I think it’s really about finding our way through this messy, gross and painful knot that is life. 

There will be weeks where the world seems to cave in, and the next week, we will feel on top of the world.

 My favorite part of having remnants of youthful naivety is that I still somehow feel like I have it all under control sometimes, and I absolutely ride that wave while it lasts. 

That’s the true college experience; maybe it’s not the time of our lives, but it is undoubtedly a time to be had. A time to be had, indeed.

Professionally Unprofessional is a recurring Collegian column by Anahid Valencia, a second-year student pursuing a career in journalism.