What is the etiquette for car sex?

Don’t get caught. This means don’t take a quickie in the Fresno State parking lot. Avoid getting a parking ticket with your pants down. However, if you must do the dirty Andretti on vinyl, use lots of lube and make sure that you don’t hit it before the homecoming game. Otherwise, you might end up playing a game of let’s punt two huevos to the homecoming king behind bars, which might not be a bad thing if you’re hungry.

What if I have the hots for my best friend’s boyfriend?

Do you think your best friend might be willing to minor in the school of arts and Menage à trois? According to a survey on theroster.com, a study published in the Archives of Sexual Behaviour surveyed 229 heterosexual college students, and found that approximately 24% of male participants and 8% of female participants had reported engaging in a threesome. If you’ve got a taste for the McRib sandwich, go for it. If not, boyfriends come and go, but friends can last a lifetime.

Should I tell my one-night stand about my sex history?

Hell, no! You probably won’t remember their name in 10 years anyway.

My partner is too vanilla for me, but I love him. What should I do?

Start by putting some chocolate sprinkles on his one-eyed Jack, and give him a party in his pants that he will never forget. If she is your vanilla goddess, drip some chocolate and add a dollop of whipped cream on her panty hamster, and voila, you have a delicious pussior sundae. Bon Appetit!

How do I increase my roster on the down low?

Stay off of Tinder. This can be dicey. My advice is that if you’re going to be a Don Juan, make sure you still don’t live with your Mom. Location is everything.

What should I do if sex makes me feel guilty?

Say three Hail Marys and watch a lot of Madonna videos from the ‘80s and ‘90s, or Lady GaGa, because let’s face it, aren’t they the same person?