Fresno State's student-run newspaper

The Collegian

Fresno State's student-run newspaper

The Collegian

Fresno State's student-run newspaper

The Collegian

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I wanted a bond, but found forgiveness instead

(The Dallas Morning News/MCT)

They say that your first true love is your father, I could agree to disagree. 

Do not get me wrong. I do love my father, but he was never considered the “true love.”

A father is required to show his daughter(s) how she should be treated and be the type of man that he would be glad she ends up with because she would be protected and cared for each and every day. 

As a child, I looked for my father every day in search of that father-daughter bond. Unfortunately, that was barely even there. I knew he loved me, and I loved him. But that relationship was never really there. 

I always tried to find things in common with my father, so that we could bond. I found some, but that was not enough. 

I am sure that if he would have been more present in my life, I would not be searching for his love till this day. 

I faced health issues that required surgeries. Every time I woke up, I cried out for my father, but he was nowhere to be found. 

Even though he was living under the same roof it always seemed like he was just a shadow walking around. 

He was not around, and part of it was not his fault. When you have a family, you must make ends meet to make sure every loved one is in good health. 

My father provided that, but the only thing that was not right was his drinking habits. 

I understand that fighting an addiction can be hard, and he tried and tried. But he was not successful because of the friends around him. 

I appreciate his effort.

I always thought that maybe he could change if it were his children asking him to change, but it did not work. 

My father kept me shut for so long such as not allowing me to cut my hair, play with friends, and just simply be me. 

The only thing he would worry about is if I was meeting all his expectations like cleaning, cooking and school work. He wanted me to become a teacher, but honestly I had no interest. 

He was my father, and I had to obey. 

A tragedy occurred. He was deported and I knew that I was not going to find that father-daughter bond, but I also knew that part of me was free. 

Everything happens for a reason because now he has been sober for a few years and I could not be more happier for him. 

He now has three daughters who he cherishes, loves and cares for… everything I was looking for when he was here with me. 

There are days when I wish he could have been better when he was here but healing does not happen overnight. 

I am at peace knowing that he is treating those little girls like princesses and that they will always love him more than anything because of what he does for them. 

I love and forgive my father because I know now that I am who I am because he left and I was free to be me. 

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