My best friend’s 20th birthday was coming up, and for once I knew exactly what to get the girl who had everything.

I’ve known my best friend, Laura, since kindergarten. We went to elementary and middle school together, and although we went to different high schools and drifted apart for a bit, we picked up right where we left off in college. We were reunited””and indeed, it did feel so good.

Laura has had a specific quality for as long as I can remember. When she likes something, she is all about it. In first grade, it was the color purple; in middle school, it was orange; and as we got older, it was Michael Jackson, Johnny Depp and Lady Gaga.

By the time she turned 20, Laura had been a fan of the show “The Big Bang Theory” for a good while. I personally never got into it, but I memorized the “Soft Kitty” song just so I could sing along with her in times of need.

So for her 20th birthday, I planned to buy her something “Big Bang Theory” themed.

This was back in the good ol’ days when Kwirkworld sold more than overpriced trendy women’s clothing, so it was the natural destination when I began my quest to find a “Big Bang Theory” gift.

As soon as I walked into the store, an employee asked if she could help me find something. I asked her if they sold anything from the TV show “The Big Bang Theory,” and she pointed me to a corner of the store.

There weren’t many things from which to choose, so it didn’t take me long to pick something out. I picked a plain T-shirt that said, “I heart Coitus.”

The employee who assisted me in my search was the same one who checked me out. She just smiled and said, “Good choice,” as she rang me up.

I was feeling quite pleased with myself and couldn’t wait to give Laura the gift.

When I got home and my mom gave me the usual interrogation about where I was, who I was with and what I was doing, I actually didn’t mind.

I enthusiastically pulled the T-shirt out of the bag.

“Mom look what I got Laura for her birthday!”

When my mom saw the shirt she just stared at it blankly.­ Then confusion crossed her face. Then a blank look again.

“Umm cool. You think Laura will like that?”

I was taken aback by my mom’s reaction. I explained to her why I bought the shirt, but it still didn’t resonate with her.

Finally, she looked me straight in the face and was direct with me.

“Honey, do you know what coitus means? Doesn’t that mean sex?”

I know my face fell when she told me that, but I’m pretty sure my whole body put effort into the change of expression on my face. Disappointment rushed through me like a tidal wave. I couldn’t give this shirt to Laura. What if she got offended? How could she wear it in public?

My awesome gift idea turned into a terrible mess in less than two minutes.

So the next day I took the shirt back to Kwirkworld. I walked up to the counter and told the clerk I needed to make an exchange. Unfortunately, it was not the same person who helped me the day before.

The clerk started drilling me about the exchange. Was the shirt damaged? Had I washed it? Did I need a different size? Was there anything wrong with it?

After I answered “no” to each question, the clerk, who was a guy, started getting annoyed. It dawned on me that I had to explain why I was returning the shirt, and the content on the shirt was going to make that explanation aca-awkward.

I had to tell this dude that I wasn’t just “heart-ing coitus.” I had to admit to him that I didn’t know anything about “The Big Bang Theory,” and that I didn’t even know the simple definition of coitus.

So as my cheeks burned red, I stuttered through my explanation of why I bought the shirt, why I was returning it and how I really wasn’t just “heart-ing coitus.”

Thankfully, the Kwirkworld guy thought it was hilarious and didn’t judge me for it.

I ended up getting Laura a different “Big Bang Theory” shirt. I don’t’ even remember what it was. But I know she liked it.

She also threw her head back, mouth wide open, bellowing in laughter when I told her about the shirt I originally bought her.

So although the “I heart Coitus” shirt put me in a really embarrassing and awkward position, at least my best friend got a good laugh on her birthday.