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It’s irrational to believe that one device can possess so much power and have so much influence on my day. The fairly simple innovation determines my mood, actions and behavior. I’ve grown to despise it and cringe each time I pull it out for fear of what it might foretell. At times it’s been my confidant, a motivator, and yet it’s a curse that plagues me.
The scale, used as a common reference for one to manage their weight, developed into an obsessive relationship of mine. Of course, it didn’t start off that way. Like most abusive relationships, it started off innocently before spiraling into a disastrous affair.
Weight and self-image issues began when I was fairly young. As a cheerleader, I grew up feeling monstrous compared to my mostly size two friends. My teenage years were filled with trying new diet fads, starvation and incessant weigh-ins to see if it all paid off.
The dynamic between my mother and aunt played a significant role in my evolving perceptions of beauty. My mother has always been the overweight sister and my aunt the slender, weight-conscious counterpart. I grew up learning that comments about my mother’s weight were negative, as I was reinforced with the notion that if I didn’t watch out I would end up with the same fate. My aunt, on the other hand, was always envied for her slender appearance as she indicated some new eating (well, lack of) plan she was on.
I remember the first time I stepped on the scale and felt ashamed because of the number it displayed. I was 12 years old, watching my aunt conduct her daily weigh in. As she disrobed, she told me how important it was for a woman to maintain her physical appearance. She carefully stepped on the scale and recited her satisfaction. She turned to me and instructed that I needed to start paying more attention to my weight because I was getting curvier (aka fatter). I gleefully stripped down and, as cautiously as my aunt did, stepped up on the scale. I remember the embarrassment taking over me as the number on the scale kept increasing, showing a figure not far off from my grown up aunt’s.
Noticing my dissatisfaction, my aunt consoled me to cut back on my food intake and to start eating like she ate. I started my first diet that day.
Throughout the years I remained committed to my relationship with the scale. As I grew older, I became more dependent and less concerned about the possible health risks a lower number caused.
After my first and only real relationship ended abruptly, my self-esteem was at an all-time low. Shortly thereafter I moved back home and felt for the first time I was not in control of my life. Mostly due to feeling depressed and unattractive, I discovered I could take control of my weight. The positive response I received from a slimmer figure led me down the dangerous mindset that more pounds shed could only be better.
The last couple of years have been difficult, as I’ve taken some drastic measures to control the number on the scale. Each pound lost represented the shedding of the powerless, weak person I let myself become.
However, as my health began to deteriorate I came to the scary realization that I didn’t have a weight that would satisfy my insecurities. In the past year I’ve learned that choosing health is really taking control and while I still have a long road ahead of me, I’m optimistic for the day when a number no longer imprisons me.
m • Nov 20, 2009 at 7:57 am
not really…that was ridiculous also
m • Nov 20, 2009 at 3:57 pm
not really…that was ridiculous also
m • Nov 20, 2009 at 3:57 pm
not really…that was ridiculous also
m • Nov 20, 2009 at 7:55 am
great Scoop
m • Nov 20, 2009 at 3:55 pm
great Scoop
m • Nov 20, 2009 at 3:55 pm
great Scoop
Former • Nov 19, 2009 at 4:50 pm
I think the writer tried to make a very good and quite valid point — as a writer myself I believe the message got a little lost in her personal story, but kudos for her on the message. Girls need more of this stuff and more positive messages about body image. Also, it’s an opinion piece, in the opinion section, get over it.
Former • Nov 20, 2009 at 12:50 am
I think the writer tried to make a very good and quite valid point — as a writer myself I believe the message got a little lost in her personal story, but kudos for her on the message. Girls need more of this stuff and more positive messages about body image. Also, it’s an opinion piece, in the opinion section, get over it.
Former • Nov 20, 2009 at 12:50 am
I think the writer tried to make a very good and quite valid point — as a writer myself I believe the message got a little lost in her personal story, but kudos for her on the message. Girls need more of this stuff and more positive messages about body image. Also, it’s an opinion piece, in the opinion section, get over it.
uh......... • Nov 18, 2009 at 10:23 pm
Actually, the article does have a message/point. I understand it perfectly. The personal story may distract from the point presented, but it is there.
uh......... • Nov 19, 2009 at 6:23 am
Actually, the article does have a message/point. I understand it perfectly. The personal story may distract from the point presented, but it is there.
uh......... • Nov 19, 2009 at 6:23 am
Actually, the article does have a message/point. I understand it perfectly. The personal story may distract from the point presented, but it is there.
Dear Diary? • Nov 18, 2009 at 7:02 pm
This is no more an opinion than the comments above me are constructive. I applaud the writer’s courage to write about such a personal issue, but this is a college newspaper not a diary. An opinion section is for opinions and there is not one in this article. I am a woman and I think that while it is important to write about issues people face everyday, the readers should be able to take something away from it instead of TMI. Like Chris said, we need some perspective up in here!
Dear Diary? • Nov 19, 2009 at 3:02 am
This is no more an opinion than the comments above me are constructive. I applaud the writer’s courage to write about such a personal issue, but this is a college newspaper not a diary. An opinion section is for opinions and there is not one in this article. I am a woman and I think that while it is important to write about issues people face everyday, the readers should be able to take something away from it instead of TMI. Like Chris said, we need some perspective up in here!
Dear Diary? • Nov 19, 2009 at 3:02 am
This is no more an opinion than the comments above me are constructive. I applaud the writer’s courage to write about such a personal issue, but this is a college newspaper not a diary. An opinion section is for opinions and there is not one in this article. I am a woman and I think that while it is important to write about issues people face everyday, the readers should be able to take something away from it instead of TMI. Like Chris said, we need some perspective up in here!
Liz • Nov 18, 2009 at 4:02 pm
I know this isn’t the most interesting or groundbreaking story but comments should be directed at the cliche topic not on the writer. And it really isn’t so much an opinion but more like a vent fest of overcoming personal issues. Maybe they should have a section to put stories like this, call it “My Problems, I Don’t Care if you Don’t Want to Hear Them” and you all should be blame the Collegian for actually running it.
Liz • Nov 19, 2009 at 12:02 am
I know this isn’t the most interesting or groundbreaking story but comments should be directed at the cliche topic not on the writer. And it really isn’t so much an opinion but more like a vent fest of overcoming personal issues. Maybe they should have a section to put stories like this, call it “My Problems, I Don’t Care if you Don’t Want to Hear Them” and you all should be blame the Collegian for actually running it.
Liz • Nov 19, 2009 at 12:02 am
I know this isn’t the most interesting or groundbreaking story but comments should be directed at the cliche topic not on the writer. And it really isn’t so much an opinion but more like a vent fest of overcoming personal issues. Maybe they should have a section to put stories like this, call it “My Problems, I Don’t Care if you Don’t Want to Hear Them” and you all should be blame the Collegian for actually running it.
Scoop • Nov 18, 2009 at 1:02 pm
I find you ridiculous “FYI”.
Scoop • Nov 18, 2009 at 9:02 pm
I find you ridiculous “FYI”.
Scoop • Nov 18, 2009 at 9:02 pm
I find you ridiculous “FYI”.
FYI • Nov 18, 2009 at 11:23 am
To Chris and what a waste….THANK YOU!!!! I’m a girl and I found this article (even if it was an opinion) ridiculous….please take a break from writing this should not be in the collegian
FYI • Nov 18, 2009 at 7:23 pm
To Chris and what a waste….THANK YOU!!!! I’m a girl and I found this article (even if it was an opinion) ridiculous….please take a break from writing this should not be in the collegian
FYI • Nov 18, 2009 at 7:23 pm
To Chris and what a waste….THANK YOU!!!! I’m a girl and I found this article (even if it was an opinion) ridiculous….please take a break from writing this should not be in the collegian
what a waste • Nov 18, 2009 at 4:42 am
Another wasteful opinion. She was gone for a few issues, please do the same for the next week or two.
Although Haisten rubs me kinda iffy, i still enjoy his opinions cause they make sense. But PUH-LEEZE, weight, beauty, what next your ex-bf’s ????????????
what a waste • Nov 18, 2009 at 4:42 am
Another wasteful opinion. She was gone for a few issues, please do the same for the next week or two.
Although Haisten rubs me kinda iffy, i still enjoy his opinions cause they make sense. But PUH-LEEZE, weight, beauty, what next your ex-bf’s ????????????
what a waste • Nov 17, 2009 at 8:42 pm
Another wasteful opinion. She was gone for a few issues, please do the same for the next week or two.
Although Haisten rubs me kinda iffy, i still enjoy his opinions cause they make sense. But PUH-LEEZE, weight, beauty, what next your ex-bf’s ????????????
Erik • Nov 16, 2009 at 11:34 pm
In response to the comment Chris left above, “This doesn’t belong in The Collegian. It belongs on her MySpace blog.” I have to disagree, this is the opinion section, where a writer can write her opinions, at least that is what I thought.
Erik • Nov 17, 2009 at 7:34 am
In response to the comment Chris left above, “This doesn’t belong in The Collegian. It belongs on her MySpace blog.” I have to disagree, this is the opinion section, where a writer can write her opinions, at least that is what I thought.
Erik • Nov 17, 2009 at 7:34 am
In response to the comment Chris left above, “This doesn’t belong in The Collegian. It belongs on her MySpace blog.” I have to disagree, this is the opinion section, where a writer can write her opinions, at least that is what I thought.
Chris • Nov 16, 2009 at 1:24 pm
This doesn’t belong in The Collegian. It belongs on her MySpace blog.
I usually like the opinion section because it provides some perspective and I walk away learning something new. This story , however, reflected the all-to-common, same ol’ sad story, immature insecurity of a teenage girl that we’ve all grown accustomed to. As the saying goes, call me when you got something new to say.
Chris • Nov 16, 2009 at 9:24 pm
This doesn’t belong in The Collegian. It belongs on her MySpace blog.
I usually like the opinion section because it provides some perspective and I walk away learning something new. This story , however, reflected the all-to-common, same ol’ sad story, immature insecurity of a teenage girl that we’ve all grown accustomed to. As the saying goes, call me when you got something new to say.
Chris • Nov 16, 2009 at 9:24 pm
This doesn’t belong in The Collegian. It belongs on her MySpace blog.
I usually like the opinion section because it provides some perspective and I walk away learning something new. This story , however, reflected the all-to-common, same ol’ sad story, immature insecurity of a teenage girl that we’ve all grown accustomed to. As the saying goes, call me when you got something new to say.
just saying • Nov 16, 2009 at 8:15 am
I’ve always thought a woman with curves looks much better than a stick woman. It’s disturbing to see a woman that looks like she hasn’t eaten in months.
just saying • Nov 16, 2009 at 4:15 pm
I’ve always thought a woman with curves looks much better than a stick woman. It’s disturbing to see a woman that looks like she hasn’t eaten in months.
just saying • Nov 16, 2009 at 4:15 pm
I’ve always thought a woman with curves looks much better than a stick woman. It’s disturbing to see a woman that looks like she hasn’t eaten in months.