AN INSTITUTION KNOWN AS THE BEDROCK OF civilization is under attack. Marriage is threatened.
No. Not by gays.
By heterosexuals like myself who, unlike me, chose more and more often to shack up in cohabitation without the rings, solemn promises, cool gift registries and protection of California̢۪s community property laws.
Studies show that fewer and fewer hetero couples are taking advantage of their straight privilege to be bridezillas or grooms missing in action while planning that joyous event that marks starting a life together.
Who needs all that, when you can simply sign a lease together?
Meanwhile, lots of gay friends and family members are praying (that̢۪s right, many gays go to church!) and hoping against hope that California̢۪s Proposition 8 will be rejected by voters, and they can keep their wedding china, or at least keep dreaming about the co-bride or groom of their dreams.
Here we have a whole group of people jumping for joy at the idea of ‘til death do us part’ at a time when marriage rates are declining, and some people want to turn them away from the courthouse, forever barring them from obtaining a marriage license.
Could we get any more silly?
I know, I know. Somehow, the idea that I might someday see my best friend Jo wear a cute white suit while she marries another woman makes my straight marriage less special. At least according to those so-called Christians.
Let me say this: I am a straight woman who has been happily married for four years. I am also a Christian. I feel absolutely no threat from gay marriage.
In fact, I feel relief, because I know when my cousin Sean marries his boyfriend Clint, they will not make me wear an ugly lavender bridesmaid dress with a butt bow that looks like it was made from the drapes from the Ramada Inn. (What the hell is wrong with us straight brides?) They will pick something cute, probably by Dolce and Gabbana or Versace.
Kidding aside, I am really happy that Sean and Clint can currently marry, if they want, as can Jo when she someday finds the woman of her dreams. I love them all dearly, and it rips me up to see them subjected to such statements as “God Hates Fags,â€Â and “Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.â€Â
Let me tell you something about my cousin, who I grew up with. Sean and I were raised Roman Catholic, in a tight-knit, Irish-American family. Sean was an altar boy who went to Catholic school, all the way through 12th grade. Family is very important to him. He̢۪s actually a kind of traditional dude, and when we were younger, he was a Republican.
Sean struggled so hard to fit into what our church and society defined as “normal.â€Â In college, he dated girl after girl (he is extremely handsome). But the relationships never lasted. I started to worry about him, when he began drinking heavily, getting into bar fights and having money problems. He spent money wildly, and eventually went bankrupt.
It was clear something was very wrong Finally, shortly after my own marriage, when Sean̢۪s other grandmother died, my mother and others were puzzled by the presence of a really nice young guy who never left Sean̢۪s side during the service.
My uncle asked what the deal was, and my aunt told them that recently Sean had come out as gay.
Since then, my cousin̢۪s life has improved drastically. He has made peace with who God meant for him to be all along. Sean tried to be straight, to find a girl to marry.
But that wasn̢۪t the way God made him. God made him gay, and that̢۪s great, as far as I am concerned.
He now has a great career in culinary science, and shares a condo with Clint and their two dogs, who are spoiled rotten. Clint calls my mom “Aunt Pattyâ€Â and my dad “Uncle Allan.â€Â
If you were to tell me being gay is a choice, I would want to punch you in the face, because I have seen a gay man struggle and try to choose to be straight. It does not work.
So-called ex-gay programs and ministries have been widely discounted as ineffectual and downright dangerous, according to the American Medical Association, and the American Psychological Association.
They do more damage than good.
What’s the danger in espousing anti-gay rhetoric? You might want to ask Mary Lou Wallner, of Little Rock, Arkansas. She went to a fundamentalist church, and regularly listened to conservative psychologist, Dr. James Dobson’s “Focus on the Familyâ€Â radio programs, which claim parents can make children who think they are gay straight.
When Wallner’s daughter, Anna, came out, Wallner wrote her a letter saying she could never accept her daughter’s sexual orientation, which she “would always hate.â€Â The two became estranged, and a few short years later, Anna, depressed, committed suicide, by poignantly hanging herself in a closed closet. Wallner has founded TEACH Ministries, which is dedicated to speaking out against homophobic religious rhetoric, “and helping the thousands if surrogate Annas I have met,â€Â she says.
Studies show gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered teens are much more likely to commit suicide.
I am not surprised, when you see people carrying homophobic “Yes on 8â€Â signs at the corner of Blackstone and Shaw.
These people claim they are worried their precious, Sunday school perfect children will be exposed to gay marriage in public schools.
This is a lie.
Parents can always opt to have children not attend school during a lesson they find controversial, and schools are under local control by school districts, so parents can make their concerns about curriculum known.
Let̢۪s be honest: these parents really worry their child might be like another kid who had perfect attendance at Sunday school, and went on to become a minister.
His name was V. Gene Robinson, and he became the first openly gay bishop of the Episcopal Church. Robinson, like my cousin, tried to be straight, even married a woman and had kids. According to the great documentary “For the Bible Tells Me So,â€Â “God made Gene gay for this reason — to give people hope.â€Â
Here’s hoping we can all remember the Bible tells us in First Corinthians, which I used at my wedding: “Love is patient. Love is kind… It is not rude or boastful. Love never ends.â€Â Nowhere does it, or did Christ say, “Love is straight.â€Â
G. P. • Nov 23, 2008 at 9:29 pm
I am so glad Pro. 8 was brought about. It needs to be made mandatory everywhere in this country. I know of many people who will never view homosexuals as people deserving equal rights in marriage. Don’t give me any flack about the joke of the farce called a Civil Union. That’s just another “Politically Correct” term we can do without. God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. Seeing the people that supported Prop. 8 makes me proud to be an American. Just think if people still lived by the Bible verses in the Old Testament, stoning would most likely still be in effect. Read Leviticus 18:22-30 to see what God’s rules pertaining to homosexuality.
To those who don’t like the majority of people who do not support a gay lifestyle, go somewhere else, we need our core values back in this country.
G. P. • Nov 24, 2008 at 4:29 am
I am so glad Pro. 8 was brought about. It needs to be made mandatory everywhere in this country. I know of many people who will never view homosexuals as people deserving equal rights in marriage. Don’t give me any flack about the joke of the farce called a Civil Union. That’s just another “Politically Correct” term we can do without. God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. Seeing the people that supported Prop. 8 makes me proud to be an American. Just think if people still lived by the Bible verses in the Old Testament, stoning would most likely still be in effect. Read Leviticus 18:22-30 to see what God’s rules pertaining to homosexuality.
To those who don’t like the majority of people who do not support a gay lifestyle, go somewhere else, we need our core values back in this country.
Ahimoth • Nov 4, 2008 at 4:11 pm
As long as the state is involved (seperation of church and state), and there is one title available for straight unions, and a different title available for gay unions, then that is discrimination sanctioned at the state govenmental level. If I recall, most everyone thinks discrimination is wrong…
Ahimoth • Nov 4, 2008 at 11:11 pm
As long as the state is involved (seperation of church and state), and there is one title available for straight unions, and a different title available for gay unions, then that is discrimination sanctioned at the state govenmental level. If I recall, most everyone thinks discrimination is wrong…
Glenn • Nov 4, 2008 at 1:35 pm
…or how about fertility tests, to make sure that the marriage is really about procreation?
Glenn • Nov 4, 2008 at 8:35 pm
…or how about fertility tests, to make sure that the marriage is really about procreation?
Excited • Nov 4, 2008 at 8:13 am
Hahahah yes!
Excited • Nov 4, 2008 at 3:13 pm
Hahahah yes!
ryan • Nov 4, 2008 at 8:09 am
If people where truly concerened about the institue of marriage, they should put a proposition on the ballot that will BAN divorce. that is the one thing that is tearing about the fabric of america. It should not be about who can or can not get married but what happens once they do.
ryan • Nov 4, 2008 at 3:09 pm
If people where truly concerened about the institue of marriage, they should put a proposition on the ballot that will BAN divorce. that is the one thing that is tearing about the fabric of america. It should not be about who can or can not get married but what happens once they do.
Pat Chris • Nov 3, 2008 at 11:25 pm
For all those people out there prepared to vote no on this proposition, I must encourage you to broaden your views on the issue and ask yourself if this proposition is not too restrictive. I am an individual full of love. I happen to love people, lots of people. What if I want to marry, three men, and six women? Why can̢۪t I do that? I also happen to love my family members. Can̢۪t I marry them as well, my brothers, sister, parents and cousins? I also really love animals; dogs, cats, goats, horses. I want to marry them, all of them, I love them.
Should not the great state of California give the same equal recognition to my choice and hopes for marriage, as traditional heterosexual marriage, or same sex marriage?
So let me ask you, my fellow proponents who are prepared to vote no on prop 8. Do any of my views make you uncomfortable? Would you have a problem with public schools teaching your children that polyandry, polygyny, marriage of man and beast and marriage to family members is normal and equal in the eyes of the state? If my comments make you uncomfortable, then you are to narrow minded, insensitive, and intolerant. Why must the definition of marriage in California be numerically, sexually and specie restrictive. Let me remind you, people like me love people, animals and lots of other things; and I want, no demand the right to marry all of them. I ask you, my fellow Californians who are prepared to vote no on proposition 8, to respond and support truly unrestricted marriage in California. Will you, my fellow ‘no on 8′ voters pledge to support those of us who want to marry beast, cousin and multiple persons?
Pat Chris • Nov 4, 2008 at 6:25 am
For all those people out there prepared to vote no on this proposition, I must encourage you to broaden your views on the issue and ask yourself if this proposition is not too restrictive. I am an individual full of love. I happen to love people, lots of people. What if I want to marry, three men, and six women? Why can’t I do that? I also happen to love my family members. Can’t I marry them as well, my brothers, sister, parents and cousins? I also really love animals; dogs, cats, goats, horses. I want to marry them, all of them, I love them.
Should not the great state of California give the same equal recognition to my choice and hopes for marriage, as traditional heterosexual marriage, or same sex marriage?
So let me ask you, my fellow proponents who are prepared to vote no on prop 8. Do any of my views make you uncomfortable? Would you have a problem with public schools teaching your children that polyandry, polygyny, marriage of man and beast and marriage to family members is normal and equal in the eyes of the state? If my comments make you uncomfortable, then you are to narrow minded, insensitive, and intolerant. Why must the definition of marriage in California be numerically, sexually and specie restrictive. Let me remind you, people like me love people, animals and lots of other things; and I want, no demand the right to marry all of them. I ask you, my fellow Californians who are prepared to vote no on proposition 8, to respond and support truly unrestricted marriage in California. Will you, my fellow ‘no on 8”² voters pledge to support those of us who want to marry beast, cousin and multiple persons?
No on Prop 8, Yes on Prop 2, Yes on Obama, No on California Dems • Nov 3, 2008 at 8:09 pm
Greling—–society isn’t allowed to have standards? Since the institution was created it has been the preferred means of raising children and advancing society. If a majority of your fellow citizens agree with that notion, you should settle with the compromise—-a perfectly acceptable civil union.
Don’t blast America because certain people vote a certain way. I think marriage equals one man and one woman. I’m still voting against Prop 8 because it is a senseless proposition.
I, for one, would never choose to live in a backwards place like Europe.
Consider that our standard of living is much attributed to our diversity. Norway always tops international lists of living standards and ranks tremendously low in its diversity quotient. Likewise, Iceland ranks high in quality of life. A shamefully white and anti-immigrant society.
People are banging down doors to get into the United States. The US takes in more people from more nations on an annual basis than any other country. Problems of the past are being overcome day in and day out. this country has come a long way. Can’t knock that.
And life is hard being a black man because many of your brothas and sistas are making life difficult for you. White folks and many average blacks can’t stand the wilding-out, pants around the knee, ebonics spewing, womanizing ways of some younger black Americans. I was at a basketball game the other day in Oakland and was embarassed for my generation. I
No on Prop 8, Yes on Prop 2, Y • Nov 4, 2008 at 3:09 am
Greling—–society isn’t allowed to have standards? Since the institution was created it has been the preferred means of raising children and advancing society. If a majority of your fellow citizens agree with that notion, you should settle with the compromise—-a perfectly acceptable civil union.
Don’t blast America because certain people vote a certain way. I think marriage equals one man and one woman. I’m still voting against Prop 8 because it is a senseless proposition.
I, for one, would never choose to live in a backwards place like Europe.
Consider that our standard of living is much attributed to our diversity. Norway always tops international lists of living standards and ranks tremendously low in its diversity quotient. Likewise, Iceland ranks high in quality of life. A shamefully white and anti-immigrant society.
People are banging down doors to get into the United States. The US takes in more people from more nations on an annual basis than any other country. Problems of the past are being overcome day in and day out. this country has come a long way. Can’t knock that.
And life is hard being a black man because many of your brothas and sistas are making life difficult for you. White folks and many average blacks can’t stand the wilding-out, pants around the knee, ebonics spewing, womanizing ways of some younger black Americans. I was at a basketball game the other day in Oakland and was embarassed for my generation. I
Greling Jackson • Nov 2, 2008 at 11:14 am
If Prop. 8 passes, I’m taking my gay money and leaving anti-gay America. I’ll move to Canada or some part of Europe. There are so many other places in the world that have higher standards of living than the U.S. and don’t have such ignorant, backward people with homophobia drooling all over their lips. Life is already hard in being a black man. If they continue to strip away at my civil rights, I’ll have no other choice but to leave. Others will follow me. The U.S. will be left in this financial crisis mess with far fewer creative people to pull them out of it and fewer tax dollars.
Greling Jackson • Nov 2, 2008 at 6:14 pm
If Prop. 8 passes, I’m taking my gay money and leaving anti-gay America. I’ll move to Canada or some part of Europe. There are so many other places in the world that have higher standards of living than the U.S. and don’t have such ignorant, backward people with homophobia drooling all over their lips. Life is already hard in being a black man. If they continue to strip away at my civil rights, I’ll have no other choice but to leave. Others will follow me. The U.S. will be left in this financial crisis mess with far fewer creative people to pull them out of it and fewer tax dollars.
Charlie Mitchell • Nov 1, 2008 at 4:37 pm
No, the true sillyness is a Christian who believes that Jesus would support something so filled with hate. All this Proposition would do is send a message of hatred to people across California. No rights will be lost because those will remain intact under the domestic partnership laws. Jesus would not support such a discriminatory act. The institution of marriage will not be harmed by homosexuals being able to be married, and publicly show the private commitment they have made to each other.
As a side note, this proposition will not stop teachers from talking about gay marriage in schools. It will not stop gay people from forming deep and lasting unions. It will not stop gay people from being gay. So stop and think about what Jesus would do. When you look at his ultimate message of love, acceptance and forgiveness, you will easily find the answer. Jesus would vote NO on Prop 8.
Charlie Mitchell • Nov 1, 2008 at 11:37 pm
No, the true sillyness is a Christian who believes that Jesus would support something so filled with hate. All this Proposition would do is send a message of hatred to people across California. No rights will be lost because those will remain intact under the domestic partnership laws. Jesus would not support such a discriminatory act. The institution of marriage will not be harmed by homosexuals being able to be married, and publicly show the private commitment they have made to each other.
As a side note, this proposition will not stop teachers from talking about gay marriage in schools. It will not stop gay people from forming deep and lasting unions. It will not stop gay people from being gay. So stop and think about what Jesus would do. When you look at his ultimate message of love, acceptance and forgiveness, you will easily find the answer. Jesus would vote NO on Prop 8.
James Fairbanks • Oct 31, 2008 at 4:02 pm
I am a Christian and believe in this policy, “hate the sin and love the sinner.â€Â The Bible teaches so plainly that homosexuality is wrong and sinful. Therefore the thought that Christ would sanction homosexual marriages is utterly absurd. Didn’t Christ say, “not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heavenâ€Â (Matthew 7:21). Homosexuality is an adjective and behavior (Romans 1: 27, 29-32). The scriptures reject it as a noun. Marriage between man and woman has always been ordained of God. Yes, before you vote on this issue you should ask what Christ would do. Then you must ask yourself are you taking away people’s rights or are you doing what is right.
James Fairbanks • Oct 31, 2008 at 11:02 pm
I am a Christian and believe in this policy, “hate the sin and love the sinner.” The Bible teaches so plainly that homosexuality is wrong and sinful. Therefore the thought that Christ would sanction homosexual marriages is utterly absurd. Didn’t Christ say, “not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven” (Matthew 7:21). Homosexuality is an adjective and behavior (Romans 1: 27, 29-32). The scriptures reject it as a noun. Marriage between man and woman has always been ordained of God. Yes, before you vote on this issue you should ask what Christ would do. Then you must ask yourself are you taking away people’s rights or are you doing what is right.
Robby • Oct 31, 2008 at 4:01 pm
One more thing. Their is one other solution – besides accepting gay marriage – to the tragedies you sited in those young people’s lives. They need to be loved…not rejected. If my kids ever come to me and tell me their gay I will shower them with all the love I can. They will need it. I can’t say being gay is or is not a choice. I have never been there. But my choice and God’s commandment is to love.
Does loving gays have to include accepting committed gay relationships as “marriage” and not “civil unions”?
Robby • Oct 31, 2008 at 11:01 pm
One more thing. Their is one other solution – besides accepting gay marriage – to the tragedies you sited in those young people’s lives. They need to be loved…not rejected. If my kids ever come to me and tell me their gay I will shower them with all the love I can. They will need it. I can’t say being gay is or is not a choice. I have never been there. But my choice and God’s commandment is to love.
Does loving gays have to include accepting committed gay relationships as “marriage” and not “civil unions”?
James Fairbanks • Oct 31, 2008 at 3:54 pm
I am a Christian and believe in this policy, “hate the sin and love the sinner.” The Bible teaches so plainly that homosexuality is wrong and sinful. Therefore the thought that Christ would sanction homosexual marriages is utterly absurd. Didn’t Christ say, “not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heavenâ€Â (Matthew 7:21). Homosexuality is an adjective and behavior. The scriptures reject it as a noun. Marriage between man and woman has always been ordained of God. Yes, before you vote on this issue you should ask what Christ would do. Then you must ask yourself are you taking away people’s rights or are you doing what is right.
James Fairbanks • Oct 31, 2008 at 10:54 pm
I am a Christian and believe in this policy, “hate the sin and love the sinner.” The Bible teaches so plainly that homosexuality is wrong and sinful. Therefore the thought that Christ would sanction homosexual marriages is utterly absurd. Didn’t Christ say, “not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven” (Matthew 7:21). Homosexuality is an adjective and behavior. The scriptures reject it as a noun. Marriage between man and woman has always been ordained of God. Yes, before you vote on this issue you should ask what Christ would do. Then you must ask yourself are you taking away people’s rights or are you doing what is right.
Robby • Oct 31, 2008 at 3:45 pm
Wow. There is so much sillyness in this article I don’t know where to start. Let me just say this. If you are going to argue against prop 8 don’t use God or the Bible unless you know what you are talking about. It doesn’t work. Here is what Jesus has to say about marriage in his own words in Matthew 19:
“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’.
Would you like me to include all the verses on homosexual sex too?
Now if you believe the Bible is just one of many religious books, and it is a mixture of good and not-so-good ideas that we are to pick and choose from, that’s cool. But don’t think you are swaying any Christians with the “Jesus said to love everybody” thing so we should all approve of gay marriage. The Bible says a lot of things about love, marriage, morality, salvation, judgement, and on and on. Don’t be misleading by picking out what proves your point while neglecting the other parts that don’t.
I think we all should love and respect one another entirely regardless of our differences. But that does not include abandoning our values and the FULL TEACHING of our faith. I don’t care how others choose to live. It’s none of my business…but I will no longer sit on the sidelines while people agressively push their beliefs and agenda on society and my family.
If gays were simply asking for love and respect and to be treated with dignity I would be with you all the way. When you start telling me that “holy matrimony” has to include gay relationships or I am a bigot and the real threat to marriage you can count me out.
Robby • Oct 31, 2008 at 10:45 pm
Wow. There is so much sillyness in this article I don’t know where to start. Let me just say this. If you are going to argue against prop 8 don’t use God or the Bible unless you know what you are talking about. It doesn’t work. Here is what Jesus has to say about marriage in his own words in Matthew 19:
“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’.
Would you like me to include all the verses on homosexual sex too?
Now if you believe the Bible is just one of many religious books, and it is a mixture of good and not-so-good ideas that we are to pick and choose from, that’s cool. But don’t think you are swaying any Christians with the “Jesus said to love everybody” thing so we should all approve of gay marriage. The Bible says a lot of things about love, marriage, morality, salvation, judgement, and on and on. Don’t be misleading by picking out what proves your point while neglecting the other parts that don’t.
I think we all should love and respect one another entirely regardless of our differences. But that does not include abandoning our values and the FULL TEACHING of our faith. I don’t care how others choose to live. It’s none of my business…but I will no longer sit on the sidelines while people agressively push their beliefs and agenda on society and my family.
If gays were simply asking for love and respect and to be treated with dignity I would be with you all the way. When you start telling me that “holy matrimony” has to include gay relationships or I am a bigot and the real threat to marriage you can count me out.
Scout • Oct 31, 2008 at 1:47 pm
Hear Hear. Excellent read.
Scout • Oct 31, 2008 at 8:47 pm
Hear Hear. Excellent read.