I’M FAT. Local news stations like reminding me.

I’m not alone, either. News of every flavor reminds me that it’s an epidemic.

That means you have it, too, or you will.

It’s going to take some personal responsibility before this amounts to anything. Constant reminders via the news aren’t going to help anyone, just scare the occasional Chubs McGrubs into temporary submission here and there.

Still, it seems local news stations especially must have a couple dozen pre-prepared news packages in the bank, most reporting on America’s obesity.

I’d guess that our local stations save these stories for when San Diego isn’t burning, or when a Fresno State defensive lineman hasn’t been arrested for drunkenly crashing into a bathroom.

The day before Halloween, a holiday where stuffing sugar into your face is anticipated if not condoned, local NBC affiliate KSEE 24 reported that doctors treat more and more college-age to middle-age adults for heart disease and other fat-related issues.

They were sure to add a soundbite about the wider obesity epidemic.

In a routine video-games-are-good-in-moderation story back in August, ABC station KFSN 30 threw in its own soundbite about a “growing” obesity epidemic.

I almost missed the pun, intentional or not.

Not to be outdone, KMPH Fox 26 parroted an undated press release on their Web site. According to it, obesity has tripled for children between 12 and 19 years old.

For those of you keeping score at home, “19 years old” is code for “college sophomore.”

Not surprisingly, there was that word, “epidemic” again.

There certainly are plenty of kids who are fat these days. We don’t need statistics to get a feel for it, either — just look around the average classroom.

But is obesity even an epidemic?

Even if fatness, fatitude and overall fatty-McFatterson-ness constitute an epidemic in the strictest medical definition — a popular definition throughout the Internet: “sudden severe outbreak of a disease” — an epidemic connotes much more than that.

Epidemics bring to mind danger, chaos and a lack of control. Obesity certainly is dangerous to one̢۪s health. However, there is no chaos, and most of us are perfectly capable of fixing it.

We̢۪re just not willing.

Even worse, calling America’s obesity an epidemic may scare Americans into submission, but doing so won’t scare too many into action.

Adopt the new USDA food pyramid, stick to a 2,500-calorie diet, avoid red meat and mercury.

In three months, you’ll be back double-fisting Slurpees.

Society doesn’t force you to skip out on the gym membership you got with your since-forgotten New Year’s resolution.

I won’t even emphasize the obvious, historical and patriotic connection to personal choice we have in this country, but each American has control over what he does, and the manner in which he does it.

It’s so much easier — and trendier — to shift the blame.

Technical definitions aside, it isn’t much of an epidemic until the fat ladies croak and opera houses are at fault, or the baritones.

How does this affect you? Someone else’s fatness may indirectly siphon federal funds — your tax money — for fatness research, but all this means is more clothes your size at the department stores.

Personally, I don’t care whether or not you get off the couch. Spend one or three school nights watching the last four seasons of “Scrubs,” if you really want to.

I have a host of anime and Frank Capra films to catch up on this weekend, so don’t expect inspiration or direction from me. If you really want that, a Google search is just a click away.

Just know that when your bloated, quarter-ton body goes in for a gastric bypass, don’t sue McDonalds or blame McSociety.

It’s your fault and only your fault.