Assuming marriage for couples is inconsiderate

By Megan Farrell
The Collegian

FOR BETTER OR worse, for rich or for poor, in sickness and in health, till death do we part. You may now kiss the bride.

We all know the vows, the diamond ring and the kiss. But why the rush to the altar?

It is socially acceptable, indeed expected, that couples get married.

Not only should they be married, but our culture likes us married young. If a couple has been dating for more than a year, it is assumed that they should already be talking about matrimony.

I went to a wedding this weekend.

Both the bride and groom are 21 years old, young and in love. Even though it was raining throughout the outdoor ceremony, the wedding went really well. It was one of the better weddings I have been to.

However, something about weddings causes people to start asking questions. They find the dating couples and ask, “So, when are you tying the knot?”

My boyfriend and I have been together for four and a half years. A long time, I know, but we like each other. You better believe that we were asked, “So, are you two walking down the aisle soon?”

And it is not just when we go to weddings that we get asked. We get asked all the time. Our friends ask, people we don’t see all the time ask. Even the parents of our friends pull him aside and ask “When are you going to marry this nice girl?”

Everyone is trying to push us down the aisle.

All this asking makes me want to scream: Give us some space people! For starters, my boyfriend does not want to get married.

If you ask him how he feels about marriage, he answers “Marriage is death and I am too young to die.” He says it straight-faced and very serious. And for my boyfriend — the comedian and life of the party — straight-faced and serious is not his usual disposition.

When he gives his answer everyone always looks at me like they are waiting for me to say he is joking. They always ask me when he is not around, “Doesn’t it bother you?” or they ask “Don’t you want to get married?”

Sure, one day I might want to marry him, or anyone for that matter. But I do not want to get married until I am done with school. I want to graduate and get a good job.

It really bothers me when people ask, because my boyfriend has not changed his mind since they asked the last time. And every time he gets asked, he gets more and more serious.

I beg and plead to all those people who expect us to get married: please stop assuming! To all those people who keep asking: please stop asking! It is insensitive and rude. If we decide to get married, it will be because we want to, not because everyone and their mothers have pushed us into it.

I commend people who can get married young and make it work, I really do. But let’s be honest, life is hard enough, why throw marriage in the mix if you are not 100 percent ready, without any doubt in your mind?

I am not 100 percent ready, and I have plenty of doubts. So give me and my boyfriend space. Keep your social expectations to yourself. Everyone has the right to be happy, but it is their choice how they live their happy lives.

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