Unpaid labor undervalued, yet crucial

THERE ARE TWO kinds of work: paid and unpaid. In our society the unpaid work is seldom, if ever, valued. But where would we be without unpaid work?

Unpaid work is probably best described as the day to day work that someone does in order to make things move along more smoothly for a family.

Whether the family is traditional, blended or otherwise, this is usually the case. And of course, it is most often a woman whose work is unpaid and thus undervalued.

When I think of the work an intimate partner does in order to keep things running smoothly, I can’t help but get angry that it is not taken more seriously by society.

Where would we be without unpaid work done by those who raised us? When I was young, my mother cooked, cleaned the house, balanced the checkbook, made sure my siblings and I had clothes that were appropriate for the weather, took care of our medical needs (sometimes getting little sleep when nursing us through an illness) oversaw our play and school life, did the shopping, planned the birthday parties, wrapped the presents and cleaned up the mess afterwards.

She did as much for our father, during the years they were married.

The list is endless. And we all took it for granted. When we brushed our teeth, we never thought about who made sure the toothpaste was available so we could.

And breakfast, lunch, dinner and desserts were a given.

Even when we got old enough to make our own meals, the food list was planned, written down, bought, carried home and put away.

And never mind all the hours she spent communicating with family members. She answered questions, consoled us when sad and on and on.

And as children do, we took it all for granted. That is a normal part of being a child.

But the adults in our society didn’t give her much credit either. It was expected that she would do these things.

One might argue that this is no longer true today, but I argue that it is as true today as it ever was.

Our society puts great emphasis on having a paid job. Money is the key to “success” in our country.

Money comes from paid work. Finding satisfying paid work is a worthwhile goal.

I can give a live example of this. Recently I was watching a television episode of “Cops.”

In the episode, the police officers, a man and woman, responded to a domestic dispute, which came about because a wife and mother were not cleaning the kitchen.

The kitchen was truly filthy. There were old food containers and garbage covering every square inch of the sink and counters and floor.

It was also the size of a postage stamp. I don’t know how anyone could even find the space to cook, let alone keep it clean and tidy.

But here’s the thing. The cops sided with her husband. They said it had to be cleaned up or they would call CPS. But not once did they suggest the husband help.

And the woman herself didn’t ask it of her husband either. Even after she told them that every time she looked at it, she had to back out, because she couldn’t deal with the volume of mess, did they suggest the husband help her.

And of course, he didn’t offer to. After all, he was yelling at her just minutes before.

Is it her unpaid job to do so, if her husband is working at a paid job? Was that the agreement? I don’t know.

But whatever the issues were in that regard, she obviously felt overwhelmed and yet never once did the officers suggest that her husband help, nor did she voice it.

It may very well never have occurred to her to ask him for help. The implication is that it is an unpaid job not deserving of her husband’s help.

And it is to be done every single day and night for at least the next 18 years or so, depending upon how many children they have and how many learn to help with the chore.

Every one in that episode berated her for her lack of good housecleaning, but not one praised the importance of the job.

They threatened her with CPS, but never encouraged her or talked with her about the bleak atmosphere of the place her family called home and the lack of support she received.

Her work was expected and when it got to be too much, no one sat down with her and told her they know it is a miserable unpaid job.

While everyone wants to live in a clean house and enjoy all the accoutrements that go along with a well run home, few really put much value in the unpaid work and the unpaid person who keeps it that way.

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