Snubbed wedding usher wants to disown family over the slight

By Harlan Cohen
The Collegian

Dear Harlan,
A few months ago, my older cousin invited me to be an usher in her wedding (halfway across the state). Before the rehearsal, my cousin told me that I needed to walk her mother and her best friend down the aisle during the wedding. After the wedding rehearsal, people who were part of the rehearsal went to dinner at a pizza joint to celebrate. During the dinner, the bride and groom started to give out gifts to their parents and closest friends. They also gave gifts to people in the wedding and my little cousins. As a 16-year-old, I wouldn’t care that my younger cousins got gifts, but I was completely offended when they gave another cousin, who is almost my age and also part of the wedding party, a gift. Later, after the wedding, I found a wedding card containing names of all the people who were part of the wedding. I looked through that list five times, but I didn’t see my name! Right now I feel like I wasn’t anything special at the wedding and that I wasted a chunk of my life by going. I have a huge grudge against my cousin and her husband. I never want to see them again. Nor do I want to invite them to my wedding. Do I have the right to be upset?
The Upset Usher

Dear Upset Usher,
I’d say you should be a 5 on the Upset Scale — you’re a 10 (rage), the highest number. As a rule, before disowning family forever, you should at least give them a chance to explain. So, ask your cousin if you did anything that upset her during the wedding. Explain that you didn’t know if ushers got gifts, and that it’s not about the gift, but you wanted to make sure you didn’t accidentally upset her. My guess is that this likely has absolutely NOTHING to do with you and everything to do with the craziness of a couple planning a wedding.

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Dear Harlan,
My significant other is really into sports and loves to watch games on TV. This is fine with me, because it gives me a chance to do things that interest me. At times, I will walk into the room and find him masturbating while clicking on different channels on TV. I told him that I find this behavior offensive, but I don’t think that he’s willing to (or can) stop. He’s a very decent, likable guy who has many good qualities. I’m not sure why I feel such shame regarding this matter. I’d really appreciate it if you could shed any light on this.
Unsettled

Dear Unsettled,
That’s gotta make for one awkward Super Bowl party. My first reaction is that he might just rest his hand in his pants, because that’s what guys do sometimes. It’s not masturbating -- just a resting spot in between snacks and changing channels. Some women confuse it with masturbating. That said; if you’re sure it’s what you think it is and he can’t stop doing what you know he’s doing, it’s time to seek help. Masturbating can be a form of a sex addiction. When touching himself gets in the way of his everyday life, it’s a problem that needs serious attention. Considering that you don’t know if he can stop or is capable of stopping, it’s a problem. Then again, there might not be a problem, because it might not be what you thought it was.

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Write Harlan at harlan(at)helpmeharlan.com or visit online: www.helpmeharlan.com. All letters submitted become property of the author. Send paper to Help Me, Harlan! 2506 N. Clark St., Ste. 223, Chicago, IL 60614.

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