Lessons learned behind the steering wheel

By Kristina Roper
Special to The Collegian

THURSDAY AFTERNOON I made a mistake. I was involved in a traffic altercation in a parking lot at a local business.

No one was physically hurt, no damage occurred to a vehicle, yet damage did occur.

You know the situation: two cars moving, an accident almost happens, who is to blame? You get mad, you react badly, mouth accusations not heard yet clearly communicated.

How many times have you, the reader, been on a highway, a city street, in a parking lot, and someone cuts you off, does something perceived as an affront, and you get angry?

Perhaps you follow the person who did you wrong, anger seething, wanting to get even, wanting to send a message? This happened to me today, and I reacted badly.

Today I missed an opportunity to teach. I am a teacher, this is important to me. I do not take my assignment lightly.

I have hundreds of students who, I am vain enough to think, look to me for received wisdom (or more likely want to know what they have to do to get a passing grade).

Well, I blew it. I was wrong. You (the other driver) gestured, followed me closely out of the parking lot, and momentarily I thought, well, perhaps something is wrong, did I hit you, or just what is it?

I stopped, got out of my car. I asked (shamefully, in a rather belligerent manner), what the problem was? It went downhill from there. I won’t go into the rest, except to say that I missed an opportunity.

And what was that opportunity you (the driver and you the reader) may ask? I should have said I was sorry, that I didn’t see you as I was backing up, that I don’t know who backed up first, but I am sorry nonetheless that I reacted badly, and please forgive me.

We spend hours upon hours in our cars, driving to work, to school, to meet with friends, to join our families.

In our cars we are alone, yet still we dance with other cars, interact with other drivers, most of the time civilly, peaceably, arriving at our destination unharmed and happy.

Every once in a while something happens that reminds us how easily this everyday routine can go bad, and we are scared, and (sometimes) we react badly.

So here is my confession: I am sorry. I am sorry I was angry. I am sorry you were angry. I am sorry that a simple trip to the bank turned us both into people we shouldn’t be.

Given the timing, the location, your age, I thought you just might be a student here at CSU Fresno. If you are reading this, know I am sorry.

There are so many things happening in the world that divide us, that cause us unhappiness.

I regret that my actions have added to this unhappiness, regardless of who was right or wrong. I am a teacher, I am 48, I should know better. I can still learn from my mistakes.

So I say to you, and to all of you who have been in this situation, I am sorry.

Forgive me. Let the anger go and be happy.

I wish I could have said this to you on the afternoon of Sept. 14, 2006, in the parking lot. But I didn’t, and an opportunity to promote civility was lost. For this I am truly sorry.

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