Where is Iowa?

Hath-Time by NATHAN HATHAWAY

Everyone is calling this one of the most important elections in U.S. history. A potential turning point in the history of our nation.

Don’t tell that to Iowa. They’re tired.

With the outcome of the presidential election hanging in the balance Tuesday night, Iowa decided it could use a little beauty sleep. All that vote-counting had tuckered them out.

With its seven electoral votes—votes that could have determined the winner—yet to be given to either candidate, Iowa cited broken equipment and fatigue in deciding to hold off on naming its winner.

Fatigue? The future of our country is at stake and the cornballs in Iowa decide they are too tired to count their votes.

Why bother counting tonight when it could be put off until tomorrow, even if it will affect everyone’s tomorrow?

It’s only the leader of the free world we’re trying to decide here. Nothing that can’t wait until Iowa feels a tad more well-rested.

Iowa shouldn’t know the word “fatigue.” These are people who wake up at 4 in the morning to tend to their cows and corn. What happens if they are “too fatigued” to take care of their farms? Do they just decide to forgo that day’s work?

Martin Luther King marched on Washington. I’d bet he felt pretty fatigued walking all that way. But he refused to quit. People’s lives and well-being were at stake. Fatigue wasn’t an option.

Iowa should take a page from Florida’s book. In 2000, Florida wasn’t too fatigued to count and re-count its ballots for 52 days, making sure it got the votes right. And here’s Iowa, saying it can’t take a few extra hours to figure out who won its electoral votes.

The Hawkeye State has decided it will become the Shut-eye State. Among the Dopeys, Docs, Sneezys, Happys, Bashfuls and Grumpys of the United States, Iowa has decided to become Sleepy.

Naptime, Iowa. And you know what happens when whiny, tired babies don’t get their sleep.

Iowaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh.