Presidential prostitution

From Behind the Lens By Ryan Smith

Participants of Friday’s town-hall debate should have made citizens’ arrests against the two presidential candidates for their involvement in the prostitution of well-known U.S. figures for political gain.

President Bush, John Kerry—you have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in the Court of Public Opinion.

On the night of Oct. 8, 2004, both candidates could be seen and heard soliciting well-known people in U.S. history with reckless disregard to their own political ideologies.

The victims include presidents and their wives, senators and, in one sick emotional display, one candidate actually prostituted a handicapped big-screen super-hero in exchange for highly coveted swing votes.

The following evidence may shock you, but with your help, the perpetrators can be brought to justice in time for the November election.

Exhibit A: Ronald Reagan and his wife, Nancy

If a candidate can’t win votes with his own policies and character, it must be all right to fall back on the character of a well-liked president like Ronald Reagan. Between the two candidates, the Reagan name was used a handful of times during the debate in order to help reinforce such weak stances on issues as U.S. relations with other countries, troop safety, debt and stem cell research.

Exhibit B: Senator John McCain

It’s amazing McCain can still walk straight after the abuse he has received from both sides of the party lines. Though his name was only used twice in Friday’s debate, McCain has been prostituted, literally, left and right since the election started.

Surprisingly, during the debate Friday, Kerry was the only candidate to offer the Republican senator in exchange for votes. Kerry used him to bash Bush on the “No Child Left Behind” act, quoting him as calling the act the “No Lobbyist Left Behind”. He also used McCain to push the perils of the U.S. economy under Bush.

Exhibit C: Christopher Reeve

This may have been the most shameful prostitution of a person’s plight thus far in the ’04 election.

While Kerry fought to legitimize embryonic stem cell research Friday night, he pulled the “heartstrings” card out of his jacket and flashed it unmercifully to the audience. Kerry told the audience that he believes Reeve will someday walk again, but after that kind of solicitation, no one would hold it against him if it didn’t happen.

Criminal Intent:

This is perhaps the most perplexing question the Court of Public Opinion could ask. The candidates’ behavior, could be argued, was done harmlessly to strengthen already well-defined issues, and “alleged” victims knew they would be used as reinforcements.

However, the crime has been committed and a sentence must be handed down.

It’s obvious the candidates have selfishly used these unsuspecting victims to gather votes and cover up their own soft positions with total disregard for the victim’s well-being.