More random thoughts from the doghouse

Thoughts from the Doghouse

By Alberto Magallanes & Ryan Ramos

You know when you’re in class, your mind starts to wander, and you come up with weird thoughts like, “If Rocky and Rambo ever got into a fight, who would win?” Well, we decided to write them down. Enjoy.

• Ever had a professor with bad handwriting? It’s this chicken scratch that looks like something a kindergartner wrote for his mom. (Alberto: “In history class, I actually copied the following chalkboard notes: The Civil War was won by Eucalyptus S. Groin, fuzzynuts shabadoo. I don’t know if it’s going to be on the final, but I got it down.”)

• Alberto’s Thought of the Week: I ended up seeing “13 Going on 30” this weekend. I don’t know what’s worse, being dragged to a chick flick or hearing myself say the words “Gee, I kinda liked that movie.” While we’re on the subject, there were so many women there, I could actually feel the estrogen choking the life out of me.

• Time for another edition of good idea/bad idea: Good idea—taking your date to a nice restaurant and paying for it. Bad idea—taking your date to El Pollo Loco, busting out the 2 for 1 coupon, and then making her pay for half. (Alberto: “I told you, my financial aid can only go so far.”)

• Speaking of which, we all know that financial aid isn’t used for school. Alberto’s friend Chris has a Television, a DVD player, and an entertainment center. Compliments of the state of California.

• Alberto’s Other Thought of the Week: Like half of Fresno, I went to Riverpark this weekend. Is it just me or does every teenager there look like an extra from a Good Charlotte video?

• Guys, here’s three things you should never order on a first date: 1) Salad. If you order a salad, you might as well rent a skin flick and call it a night because that’s the only action you’re going to be getting. 2) Anything diet. Nothing emasculates a man quicker than Diet Pepsi. Next thing you know, you’ll be asking to borrow one of her blouses. 3) An Ultimate Bean Burrito. If your friends can’t stand the car ride home with you, what chance does the girl have?

• Another one of Alberto’s Pet Peeves: Library monitors. I don’t like you, and you don’t like me. It’s because of you people I have to make phone calls from the restroom. If I want to talk on my cell phone, chew gum, eat a cheeseburger or make out on the third floor, that’s my business, not yours.

• With three weeks left, here’s the top three signs you’ve missed too much class: 1) You’ve forgotten what your professors look like. You end up asking your 50-year-old classmate when his office hours are. 2) You’ve actually forgotten where your class is and you have to check the schedule of courses for the room number. 3) Your professors are still trying to hand you back assignments from January.

• Check out next Wednesday’s column when we pick our favorite comments of the past two semesters. Or don’t. It’s your quarter. (Alberto: “Psst, you know this is free, right?)

— Responses to this column may be sent to collegian@csufresno.edu