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More random thoughts from these two guysYou know when you’re in class, your mind starts to wander, and you come up with weird thoughts like, “Whatever happened to Spuds MacKenzie? He was pretty cool.” Well, we decided to write them down. Enjoy. • Freshmen Tip #77: In a few years, you’ll legally be able to drink. Don’t do something stupid like come to class drunk. (Alberto: “Look, I only did that once.”) If you do decide to show up blitzed, at least make sure you’re fully clothed. (Alberto: “Hey, I was wearing pants.”) • The NCAA Tournament—a.k.a. The Big Dance—a.k.a. The reason you keep forgetting to call your girlfriend. • Alberto’s Thought of the Week: Why is it that you can talk to a woman for 30 minutes and she’ll mention everything from the time her cat was sick to her favorite subject in high school, yet she fails to mention the fact that she has a freaking boyfriend?! Unless you’re single, I don’t give a damn what happened to your cat. Girls should make it a point to let you know that they have a boyfriend within the first five minutes of a conversation. That way, we’ll all stop wasting each other’s time. • Terrell Owens is officially a Philadelphia Eagle. It’s amazing how a change in uniform can really change your opinion of a guy. A few months ago, we thought T.O. was a confident, gifted athlete. Now we think he’s just a cocky, whiny little bitch. • There’s actually a used car dealership in Fresno called K Y Auto Sales. People already know they’re going to get screwed over when they buy a car, but this is just taking it to a whole new level. • Looks like tuition is going to be increased—again. Here’s some ways to come up with the extra cash. 1) Go down to Joyal and give them the pink slip to your car. Who knows, they might accept it. 2) Two words: Kidney, E-Bay. Enough said. 3) Rent your body out for scientific research. We heard they give you free snacks. (Alberto: “My buddy Chris says the brownies are so good, they help make up for the temporary blindness.”) • Alberto’s Other Thought of the Week: The FCC is trying to reduce the amount of obscenity in the media. I’m trying to do my part by cutting back on the amount of F-Bombs I drop. I’ve reduced it from 197 to 190. There. How do you like them f***ng apples? Damn. 191. • A few weeks ago, some lady tried to use a counterfeit $1 million bill at Wal Mart and was later busted. This had to be the dumbest idea since Pepsi Blue. • Ryan’s Thought of the Week: I’m starting to get tired of all these elementary schools that visit campus. Every day it seems like there’s more and more rugrats running around. My problem isn’t that there’s a bigger line for Taco Bell, or that they’re always in the way, but because I feel obligated to watch my mouth around them. I’m getting tired of saying fudge, darn and fiddlesticks. (Alberto: “You hold back? Just the other day, I told some third grader to get the f*** out of my way.”) — These columnists can be reached at collegian@csufresno.edu |