Games, gravy and Guinness

By Alberto Magallanes Ryan Ramos

You know when sitting down to Thanksgiving dinner, your mind starts to wander and you come up with weird thoughts like, “Am I the only person who likes cranberry sauce?” Well, we decided to write them down. Enjoy.

• For some of you freshmen, this will be your first holiday away from home. Ah, there’s nothing like that first Hungry Man Thanksgiving.

• Lots of people give cans of Sloppy Joes to the needy, but never give any bread to go with it. That’s like giving someone a bicycle without a seat. You can still use it, but it’s going to be really awkward.

• Speaking of canned food drives, have you ever noticed people try and give food away that they won’t even eat? It’s always lima beans, creamed spinach and cans without labels on them. Opening one of those mystery cans is a lot like playing Russian roulette. You just close your eyes and hope for the best.

• Those of you planning on playing football on Thanksgiving, make sure you do it before dinner. There’s no point in eating all that great food if it’s just going to end up on your front lawn.

• Ryan’s Thanksgiving Thought: For vegetarians, Thanksgiving can be tough. Being one myself, I know how hard it is because you can’t eat half the stuff on the table.

Your meal pretty much consists of mashed potatoes and well, that’s it. On the plus side, you’ll be the only member of your family who isn’t passed out on the couch, snoring like a grizzly bear.

• Alberto’s Thanksgiving Thought: Football’s great, but I hate having to watch another gawd-awful Lions game. By the end of the third quarter, I just want to beat myself senseless with a drumstick.

• Freshmen Tip 57: Be careful this holiday season. A freshman 15 can turn into a freshman 30 faster than you can say, “Pass the gravy.”

• Time for another edition of good idea/bad idea: Good idea—Participating at a soup kitchen this Thanksgiving. Bad idea—Participating at a soup kitchen, and then announcing, “Well my shift is over. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going home to my warm, two-story house where I’ve got a crapload of food waiting for me.”

• Fall’s a great time of year. The leaves are changing color, the temperature’s a lot cooler and pretty soon “Happy Thanksgiving, Charlie Brown” will be on…for the 8-millionth time!

• Top 5 things Alberto is thankful for: 1) Jay-Z’s “The Black Album” 2) The new Save Mart Center 3) My “What About Bob?” DVD 4) Halle Berry being single (A man can dream, can’t he?) 5) Umm…oh, what the hell. My family.

• Top 5 things Ryan is thankful for: 1) Family, girlfriend, etc. 2) Guinness Beer 3) My blue hoody 4) “Family Guy” 5) The fact Martha Stewart might end up prison (She’s just so smug).

• Top 5 things we’re NOT thankful for: 1) Pepsi Blue 2) Another season of “American Idol” 3) Tuition increases 4) Vanity license plates that say “But…But…I’m The Princess” 5) Professors who give homework assignments over Thanksgiving break. What kind of soulless monster are you?!!

— These columnists can be reached at collegian@csufresno.edu