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If Hollywood read this, there would be a riot
You know when you’re in class, your mind starts to wander and you come up with weird thoughts like “Am I the only person who knows the full names of all the characters on ‘Saved By the Bell?’” Well, we decided to write them down. Enjoy. • Telling your woman that her clothes make her look fat is a lot like going to an Oakland Raiders home game dressed in the other team’s colors. Chances are, you’re going to get the snot beat out of you. • Ryan’s Tips on Dating 27: Women say they find a sense of humor attractive in a man. If that’s true, then why is Tom Green divorced? This whole sense of humor thing may be nothing but a crock. So fellas, next time you approach a woman, make sure you have a new suit, a nice car, a gold watch and some company stock before you start telling your knock-knock jokes. • Top 5 Television shows that sound like titles of adult films: “Skin,” “One on One,” “Rock Me Baby,” “The King of Queens” and “Malcolm in the Middle.” • Alberto’s Thought of the Week: I wonder if the butler from “Joe Millionaire” ever gets blitzed on brandy and starts hitting on all the rejects. I know I would. • People who graduated with a degree in Latin in 1994 will probably be holding their 10-year reunion soon. The event will be organized, planned and held down at the unemployment office. • “Scary Movie 3” is kind of like a dog with rabies. It’s best just to keep your distance and stay as far away as humanly possible • CBS pulled the plug on the mini-series “The Reagans,” which starred James Brolin (aka Mr. Barbara Streisand) as Ronald Reagan. Wouldn’t it be great to see a mini-series based on the Clinton presidency? Of course, it would have to air on Skin-emax. • Alberto’s Tips on Dating 96: Every guy who gets dragged to a chick flick has the same look of shame on their face. They have to keep their heads down because they can’t even look another man in the eye. Guys, never let a woman choose what movie to see or you’ll end up having to watch “Legally Blonde 2” or what I like to call, “The hour and a half of my life I’ll never get back.” • Because of chronic back pain, Anna Kournikova is thinking of retiring from tennis. You probably had the same reaction we did: “Anna Kournikova plays tennis?” • After touring the Save Mart Center, Alberto had this to say: “It was definitely worth the wait. If the Save Mart Center were a woman, it’d be Halle Berry. If Selland Arena were a woman, well, let’s just say she has a nice personality.” • While on his way to see “The Matrix: Revolutions,” Alberto’s friend Chris made the following comment: “This isn’t going to make my head hurt again is it?” • Every week, we’re finding that this column is getting harder and harder to write. We know what you’re thinking. How hard can it be to come up with total crap? Well it’s harder than you think. Just ask the writers for “The Drew Carey Show.” — These columnists can be reached at collegian@csufresno.edu |
