Careful where you sleep

Thoughts From The Doghouse By Alberto Magallanes & Ryan Ramos

You know when you’re in class and your mind starts to wander and you come up with weird thoughts like “Whatever happened to the girl from ‘Small Wonder’?” Well, we decided to write them down. Enjoy.

• Freshman Tip 22:Your professors may need to e-mail you. So when signing up for an e-mail address, Mr_Big_Stuff69@aol.com might not be such a good idea.

• While rummaging through the $5.88 DVD bin at Walmart, Alberto finds classics such as “Monkeybone,” “With Honors” and “Bedazzled.” He now realizes that DVDs marked $5.88 are $5.88 for a reason. (Note: These are all Brendan Frasier movies.)

• The Godfather trilogy is being hailed as the best DVD set on the market. We should all petition to have a set of only The Godfather parts 1 and 2. This way, none of us will ever have to utter the words, “Yeah, I own The Godfather 3.”

• Alberto’s Tips On Dating 37: Taking a first date to the Student Union $1 movie— not a good idea. Making your date pay for herself—definitely not a good idea.

• To those who sleep in the Student Union, for the love of God, put your shoes back on!

• Lots of people also sleep in the library. How tired do you have to be to sleep in a public place? Either get a room or at least go to a spot in the library no one ever goes to—like the stack section.

• Freshman Tip 9: If you ever find yourself literally running to class, have the decency to sit your sweaty self in the back.

• It’s safe to say the era of the boy bands is over—at least for now. On a personal note, if all you do is sing and no one in your group plays an instrument, do not call yourself a band!

• Have you noticed that we all make fun of the Village People, yet whenever “Y.M.C.A.” comes on, everyone hits the dance floor?

• Ryan’s Tips on Dating 43: If you’re going out with someone for the first time, avoid ordering a double chili cheeseburger with extra onions. That’s more of a third date meal.

• The two funniest words known to man have got to be “Joey Buttafuocco.”

• J-Lo and Ben Affleck’s relationship was like the XFL. You were interested in the beginning, but you knew it wasn’t going to last. When it finally ended, you were glad to see it go.

• Number one sign your relationship might be over: Your boyfriend or girlfriend signs the two of you up for “Temptation Island.” Being on “Temptation Island” is like being a guest on Jerry Springer. Absolutely no good can come of it.

• You probably had the same reaction we did when you heard Gallagher was running for governor: “Gallagher’s still alive?”

— These columnists can be reached at collegian@csufresno.edu