Some advice for those just getting started

Thoughts from the Doghouse by Ryan Ramos & Alberto Magallanes

You know when you’re in class and your mind starts to wander and you come up with weird thoughts like “why didn’t they make a sequel to ‘Three Amigos?’” Well, we decided to write them down. So enjoy.

•Lots of new faces this year. Spotting a freshman is like spotting a bad toupee. Four signs that let people know this is your first year:

1) You walk around with a map of the campus. 2) You still wear your “Seniors” T-shirt. 3) You have no idea where any of the restrooms are on campus. 4) Your mom drops you off in the morning and picks you up after University 1.

• You know you’ve had too much to drink when you start to feel like Gary Busey looks.

• Grossest thing Alberto saw all summer: Some guy actually trimming his toenails in the middle of Fashion Fair.

• Does anyone else feel like smacking the “can you hear me now” guy? Good. I’m not the only one.

• The race for Governor is past ridiculous. We speak for a lot of guys when we say it doesn’t matter Mary Carey has no political experience.

• If any of you guys subscribe to Maxim, FHM and Stuff, just be a man and subscribe to Playboy.

• Memo to Justin Guarini: Our watch says 14 minutes, 58 seconds. Pack up your bags, curly.

• While we’re on the subject, if any of you saw, bought, or plan on renting “From Justin to Kelly,” congratulations, you are no longer part of civilized society.

• While playing Madden NFL 2004, John Madden actually said, “Getting some yards is better than getting none yards.” None yards. It’s great how John Madden can make anyone feel like John Nash from “A Beautiful Mind.”

• Jerry Rice: Greatest receiver of all time. Worst cornrows of all time.

• Parking around here continues to get worse. For those who don’t feel like paying $68, you have a couple options. You can try to use last semester’s permit and hope no one notices.

If you’re not at school very long, you can park at Taco Bell and hightail it back before your car gets towed. Or you can always park across the street on Shaw. We’ll call this plan C because you have to worry about having your car broken into and dodging Shaw traffic. You haven’t lived until you’ve outrun a Semi.

• Is it just us or are the San Ramon buildings like the projects of Fresno State?

• For you first-time freshmen, if you have to go to the bathroom, you no longer have to raise your hand. Just get up and go. Or sit there and go.

Whatever.

— These columnists can be reached at collegian@csufresno.edu