Behind every good athlete, there's a hand

Hath-Time by Nathan Hathaway

Nothing beats a reaffirming hand to the rear end—temporarily.

Few outside the sports world appreciate the value of the “good game,” that all-too-familiar encouraging pat on the posterior we see at least a hundred times at every major sporting event.

As to the history of the seat slap, anthropologists trace it to the Paleolithic era and drawings on cave walls of one man killing a buffalo with a spear and another man’s hand on that man’s behind.

But the logic of it is clear.

Like most human beings, athletes and coaches stand with their hands at their sides when not on the court or the field, or during a lull in the action. Consequently, it’s easier to hit the hiney that to bring up the hand for a pat on the back.

A ding of the derriere is also about courtesy. The toockus has much more padding than the spinal region. Think about trying to do a flip off a diving board and coming out of it too early. If you do a “back flop”—when your back slaps on the water—it hurts a lot more than if you go into the water buns first. So a bash on the backside is going to convey the encouragement without inflicting pain on the “good gamee”—the recipient of the “good game.”

Moreover, we can look to baseball and softball to provide an example of why the “good game” is not only more fun and easier, but also safer than a pat on the back.

Fresno State softball pitcher Jamie Southern pitched 36 straight innings—five complete games—over three straight days in last year’s NCAA regional. The most consecutive innings a Fresno State baseball pitcher threw was nine by Cody Smith. He was pitching on nine days rest and didn’t pitch for another week after that complete game.

Why could Southern go so long? Because the underhand motion, which is used in softball, is the natural movement of the human arm. And what’s the motion used for a touch of the tail? Yep, it’s underhand. If it’s all the same to everyone else, I’d rather not tear my rotator cuff trying to praise someone for a job well done.

The tush tap gets a bad rap. Really, it’s quite unfair. No one “good games”—yes, it’s a verb as well—with any ulterior motives. It’s not about sexual harassment or anything inappropriate. It’s all about praise and admiration. It’s about saying “Hey, nice job. I’m proud of you. Keep up the good work.” It’s also a sign of solidarity and teamwork. It’s saying, “I support you, and I think you’re great. You’re my teammate and I’ve got your back. I’m here for you.”

The bop on the bottom can indeed be an inappropriate gesture, but anyone who makes improper use of the fanny flick in the name of the “good game” has not yet come to understand the true nature of the complimentary expression. When wielded properly, the innocent display of adoration instills confidence and self-respect.

But like any “game,” the “good game” has rules. They are simple and straightforward:

• Don’t “good game” a girl. This is wrong. If you don’t want to get slapped by a misunderstanding lady, don’t “good game” her. To the girls, disregard this rule.

• Don’t “good game” in the locker room. That’s just flat out stepping over the line. Leave it on the field of play.

• Make it quick. Don’t let the hand rest on the rump. It’s a momentary thing. VERY momentary.

Now we at The Collegian are not at all advocating that we go around campus rapping one another’s rears. We’re simply trying to clear up some misconceptions and let everyone in on why we see so much bum batting in sports.

A good one to the glutes boils down to helping a person feel better about him or herself, inside and out.

Now I just hope I won’t be the butt of too many jokes for having written this.

— This columnist can be reached at ndhathaway@cvip.net