A step-by-step guide by the author and editor of Sapphics Inc., Katie Quigley.
1. Stop believing the other woman will make the first move when you both want the other one to–it won’t happen!
“I’m not going to initiate because, as a woman, I don’t feel like I should initiate.” “Me neither!”
The long game will not help you two get closer to a relationship; you are just leading each other on. And every one of your friends can see there is something between you. With this said, we are here to help you bulk up the courage to make the first moves on that special lady of yours.
2. IMPORTANT: Before continuing, MAKE SURE SHE LIKES WOMEN!
If you are tired of falling for straight women, we recommend that you check with them to confirm that they are attracted and romantically interested in women. We know this may feel awkward to ask, but we recommend treating it like seeing a fellow Queer person and giving them the “Are you gay too?” look. That, and always asking, is never a problem. Preferably, say it in a manner that suggests humor and casualty—this means wear deodorant so they don’t see you break a sweat while asking.
3. Become best friends in a short amount of time! Surely this won’t backfire! We recommend swooping in after your love interest is freshly out of a relationship.
Take her to her favorite restaurant and shop within the first week of knowing each other. To prolong the hangout, have her spend the night and cuddle when no one is looking. Ask her about her favorite movie and TV show—start watching it that night together! This way, you will have to see each other again to watch the next episode—obviously! This is normal.
4. IMPORTANT: Make sure she is emotionally available.
We recommend avoiding a woman who says she is not ready to date or be in a serious relationship at all costs. Before you say, “for the plot,”— have some respect for yourself, and don’t let someone play with your emotions knowingly.
5. Plan your first vacation! Who cares if you have only known each other for three weeks?
On this vacation, things will feel funny. At this point, you will know you like her. Everything you do feels like you are a couple to the point that you made fancy dinner reservations. There is one bed. Nothing happens because you chicken out, but you notice she is wearing a matching lace bra and underwear. The vacation ends with more confusion than it started.
6. Your first kiss with her!
Things have been heating up! Sleepovers multiple times a week filled with cuddling and tension. Text messages flow back and forth, having you check your phone every few minutes. One night, you will show her Chappell Roan and watch her music videos. She changes the light in your room to pink and lets the music play. You both pause until, finally, she kisses you. It is quick, but you are startled. A second goes by after you draw back. You want to kiss her again, so you do. A small makeout sesh goes on until you hear someone is home. Neither of you will bring it up later.
7. Take her to the sunrise at 2 AM on the beach! Who cares if you woke up at 12 and drove two hours?
The tension will be tenfold! The day will be beautiful and end with you watching whales from a bench off the coast. You realize at this moment that you are falling in love with her. Shit. Now, you have even written a poem about this moment. Simp. You know you need to tell her eventually.
8. It is your Birthday!
You made plans just with her for the first half of the day because she wanted alone time with you; this brings you so much joy and makes you believe she perhaps likes you too. Before dinner with your friends, she does your make-up in the same sapphic Pinterest photo position (if you know, you know). After dinner, she returns to stay the night. You play “We’re Not Really Strangers,” and you both write each other notes that can not be read until you have separated. All is well, but she kisses you again. The following day, she heads home, and you read the letter…is this a love confession?
9. Tell her how you feel.
The note and kiss stay on your mind for two days until you can’t take it anymore. You drive to her house late at night and sit in your car. You both are silent for what feels like hours. Until you both stare at each other and you kiss her. This goes on for a while, but then she pulls back.
“Wait, before we continue, I need to know what this is,” she says.
“I want to be with you. If you have me, I would love to be your girlfriend and take you on a proper date.”
10. Remember! There are no guarantees you will get the girl!
And if you do, you may end up broken up after a short-lived engagement! Good luck and happy dating to all the Lesbians and Sapphics out there!
(This is not 100% guaranteed to work. We at Sapphics Inc. are not liable if our tips do not help or cause anyone distress.)
—
Author Bio: Katie Quigley is an English Creative Writing student in her final semester at Fresno State. While she has experimented with many genres, she finds herself drawn to poetry and essays. For her poetry, she focuses on the self with themes of sexuality, childhood and complex relationships. Her work can be found in Fresno State’s literary journals: HAIS and CWAA’s Flies, Cockroaches and Poets. After she graduates, she plans to pursue her Master’s in Fine Arts, focusing on poetry.
—
Recollections: Of Being is a literary column brought to you by The Collegian, founded and organized by Aura Peredia. We publish writing and art, either political or personal, to create a bridge between varying valley voices.
—
Previous Installments of Recollections: Of Being
The Sculptor
On Living with Dead People 2012
