Is shower sex over or under-rated?

The main thing is that when your partner asks you to shower with them, make sure that they don’t mean a golden one unless you’re into that kind of thing. However, accidents do happen. If one does happen, don’t fret; A little yellow water has anti-aging properties—better than Botox.

How long is too long in foreplay?

When your partner says, “Are you done yet?” That’s usually a good sign. On the other hand, you don’t want them to ask, “That’s it?” You don’t want to skip foreplay. If you do, it will be like making macaroni and cheese without boiling the water first—crunchy and very dry. I advise bringing lubricant just in case they set the timer on their Apple watch to anything below three seconds.

What are the best foreplay activities?

Variety is the spice of life. A good way to keep foreplay hot and caliente is to shave each other’s pubes. It is a cheap and inexpensive fun time. All you need is a Bic razor. Be imaginative; you can shave the landing strip, the Hitler mustache, and if you want to get really creative, you can do Benjamin Franklin, then you can say, “Look honey, it’s a hundred bucks.”

Does size really matter?

If you come up on the short end of the stick, make sure you’re good with your tongue or have a lot of money. Don’t want no short dick, man, but don’t want no big vagina, either. If the playground is too big, don’t play in it. One size does not fit all.

Is “blue balls” a real thing?

I’ve never seen blue balls before, but if I did, I’d take pity on the poor soul and give them mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Make sure to pump twice and lick the balls a couple of times because the balls are important. If all else fails, dial 9-1-1.