Valentine’s Day

It’s become a symbol of love.

It’s a time when we are called to express affection for our partners, family members and friends. A time when we may feel affirmed by the connections we share with them.

But for those of us who do not have the connections we would like or do not feel affirmed by what we do have, it can bring up feelings of separation, a sense of missing out, a perception of what we lack.

The truth about genuine love is it’s always there whether we are in relationships or not, affirmed by the people closest to us or not.

Love is an energy that is always present within each of us, and we can find it whenever we take the time to pause and focus our awareness on our heart space and look for it.

It is a warm energy, a glowing light that never leaves. The energy of love can be masked by the negative chatter of our minds.

We can become so focused on negative chatter that we don’t notice anything else, and when we’re there, we’re vulnerable to attacking ourselves or others.

In attack mode, fear is the driving force. We feel vulnerable, in some ways lacking, and we react by either tearing ourselves down to gain a sense of control or tearing others down to boost ourselves up.

Either way, when we’re in attack mode we lose sight of the love within that makes us whole.

When we’re caught in negative mind chatter, it’s as if we’ve created a wall we cannot see beyond, which leaves us feeling stuck.

We may be left with a sense of emptiness, loneliness and even despair. Yet all the while the light of love is within, shining constantly, just waiting for us to pause the chatter long enough for it to come through.

While we might be tempted to believe our feelings of love are only validated because another person reflects that love to us, the truth is we couldn’t feel it if wasn’t already within.

So what can we do?

If we choose to live with awareness, we can then take every negative thought as an opportunity to look beyond to the truth that sets us free.

We can recognize that underlying every attacking thought is the fear that we are lacking in some way and that this fear is common to us all.

We can choose compassion for ourselves and others because we share this struggle whether we speak of it or not, and we can know that beyond the negative chatter we are already good enough works-in-progress with the potential to be our best.

So whether the love you want is reflected back to you on Valentine’s Day or not, know that you can always access love that never disappoints, is unconditional and expansive, and is burning brightly within.

It’s just beyond the negative mind chatter, accessible in the space between your thoughts.

It’s where you’ll find peace and joy that’s constant, where your purest self lives; it’s in your heart space where the door is always open and you are always welcome inside.

Note: The following article was provided by a Student Health and Counseling Center psychologist for the benefits of students, staff and the public on campus at Fresno State.