Before I became a coffee snob, I used to use a Keurig. Switching to French press coffee was essentially the end of a toxic relationship.

First, it’s such poor quality coffee. I’m still convinced that it’s actually just flat soda with a hint of coffee flavor. It’s not very delicious. When I drank Keurig coffee in the morning, the best part was knowing my day could only become better from there.

Also, Keurigs are wasteful. Keurigs coffee cups are often individualized plastic cups of coffee grounds. So, you’re wasting a piece of plastic every time you brew coffee. Conversely, one larger bag of coffee grounds is less likely to create another pile of garbage in some ocean. (Unless you use a reusable Keurig cup. But even then, you’re using a Keurig. Tsk tsk tsk.)

Often, the argument is that using a Keurig is easier and takes less time than alternative coffee brewing methods. However, I don’t agree. As a Keurig survivor (very dramatic, I know), I have many horror stories. I’d always make sure the water container was filled, but for some reason – it would produce a different amount of coffee every time. Sometimes, it was too much and the coffee overflowed. Sometimes, it was not enough and I didn’t have the time to wait for the machine to reheat, so I had to ration my sips. Roulette is for Las Vegas, not coffee. I think my Keurig had a mind of its own.

To complete my argument, I decided to consider the cost of making Keurig coffee. On Amazon, some Keurig machines cost around 70 dollars, but can be more than 100 dollars. French presses on Amazon also vary in cost, but many are less than 30 dollars. Why would someone pay more money for something that’s not as good? That’s like choosing to get kicked in the head instead of choosing to not get kicked in the head.

Overall, I don’t seem many redeemable qualities about Keurig machines. However, the word “Keurig” is fun to say.