It finally happened. It was the moment I have been waiting for. This past Thursday, quarterback JaMarcus Russell was cut by the Oakland Raiders.
Just three years ago, the Oakland Raiders, the Raider Nation and the notorious “Raider Fan” pinned their hopes on a return to glory when they drafted an overrated, overweight and immature signal caller from Louisiana State. To the hilarity of the common sense football fan, Russell’s release””the soonest any no. 1 pick in history has been given his pink slip””is the culmination and apex of Raider futility.
During his three seasons in Oakland he compiled a 7-18 record, 18 touchdowns to 23 interceptions, 15 fumbles lost and a QB rating of 65.2, all while making a cool $39 million.
Russell was reported to have slept during team meetings while also leaving them early. He showed up to training camp weighing 280 pounds, the same weight as many offensive linemen.
On the bright side, Russell is financially set for life, and can now focus on his strength, which is eating food. Russell couldn’t pick apart opposing defenses the same way he could dismantle cheeseburgers and hot dogs. Professional eating champions Kobayashi and fellow American Joey Chestnut now have some competition.
Raider fans will never be able to forget Russell; nobody will. Ryan, or “Cryin,” Leaf can now sleep at night, for he no longer claims the dubious title of biggest sports bust ever.
Most football fans were quite certain that Leaf””the no. 2 pick in 1998””couldn’t possibly be unseated as the most awful draft pick in NFL history.
Even Leaf thought it wasn’t possible for anyone to be such a monumental disappointment.
“I used to go to bed at night hoping somebody else might magically leapfrog me on those all-time bust lists,” he told the Los Angeles Times earlier this year. “Because I am no. 1 [bust]. I can’t even think of anyone else in the ballpark that might be close to my combination of disappointment and failed expectations.”
Fortunately for Leaf, he no longer has to wake up with cold sweats from nightmares of losing fumbles, yelling at reporters and mental and emotional breakdowns filled with salty discharge excreting from his eyes.
Russell’s release speaks volumes because the Raiders’ owner, Al Davis, has been on his jock since day one. Davis has a track record of having confidence in straw men.
Who can forget his cartoon of a press conference in 2008 explaining his reasons for dismissing head coach Lane Kiffen. Davis said Kiffen didn’t think Russell was any good, and that Kiffen needed to “get over it” because, clearly, the team could win with Russell at the helm.
The Raiders’ “commitment to excretions” leads us to contemplate the nature of Raider Fan. A friend recently told me that if you are a Raiders’ fan, you obviously hate yourself. Before you dismiss this presumption, ask yourself what good reason does one have to become, or to remain, a Raiders’ Fan?
What drives someone down such a destructive road? Who willingly sports the silver and black and has a high sense of self and positive outlook on life?
If Raider Fan is in your life, please, give them a hug. Console them. Tell them everything is OK, because it can’t possibly get any worse. They may be happy that part of their cancer has been removed, but on the inside they are still weeping. I would too.
Gradkowski is God • May 10, 2010 at 11:01 pm
Mike, perhaps you would do well to understand that, unfortunately, once one commits to a team then that person should commit to them for the rest of his or her life.
You think we enjoy seeing our team be the laughing stock of the NFL for the last 6 seasons? You think we enjoy seeing some senile old trout try to run a football team?
But I’ve stuck with the Raiders since ’83, and like all the other long suffering fans have always supported them with pride – and would continue to do so come what may.
It would be easy to cut and run, to go support another team and give in to the sorts of biased ramblings that the likes of you enjoy posting. Perhaps you should give us some credit, instead of making the same old tiresome smart-arsed remarks about Raider fans I read in countless other blogs.
Gradkowski is God • May 10, 2010 at 3:01 pm
Mike, perhaps you would do well to understand that, unfortunately, once one commits to a team then that person should commit to them for the rest of his or her life.
You think we enjoy seeing our team be the laughing stock of the NFL for the last 6 seasons? You think we enjoy seeing some senile old trout try to run a football team?
But I've stuck with the Raiders since '83, and like all the other long suffering fans have always supported them with pride – and would continue to do so come what may.
It would be easy to cut and run, to go support another team and give in to the sorts of biased ramblings that the likes of you enjoy posting. Perhaps you should give us some credit, instead of making the same old tiresome smart-arsed remarks about Raider fans I read in countless other blogs.