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March Madness

Expect something NCAA Tournament related to occupy this spot in “One-finger salute” for the next few weeks. It’s hard to not get excited filling out brackets and waiting for those brackets to get utterly destroyed. It will be a pleasure to get to watch the most exciting postseason tournament in all of sports for the next few weeks. One quibble: Duke is the third No. 1 seed ahead of Syracuse? Really, selection committee?

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Topeka changing name to “Google”

Yes, Topeka, Kan. changed its name to Google, at least for the month of March. This ploy is one of the dumber things we at The Collegian have heard in awhile. Think of those born in March; they have to say they were born in Google, Kan. Facebook information must be changed. Postcards reprinted. And worst of all””for this month, the scene in “Almost Famous” where guitarist Russell Hammond parties in Topeka does not make sense. The horror!

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Man shows up to DUI sentencing inebriated

A man in Omaha, Neb. showed up at his DUI hearing drunk. Yes, this actually happened. Besides this man being incredibly stupid and providing us with comedy to last us a long while, thank goodness this didn’t happen in Fresno. Lord knows we don’t need any more “drunk” press.

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Cocaine users make global warming worse

“We were horrified to learn for every few lines of cocaine snorted in a London club, four square meters of rainforest is destroyed,” said Keith Vaz, chairman of the UK’s home affairs select committee. Add that to the list of reasons not to try cocaine, along with it kills you. One question: does the fact that this winter was demonstrably colder than most recent ones, does that mean less people are using the drug? I’m confused.

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Fresno State women lose

The ‘Dogs suffered a heartbreaking 68-66 loss to La. Tech on Saturday in the WAC Tournament final. Now our NCAA Tournament hopes lie with the selection committee. Regardless of what happens, it’s been a phenomenal season. Great job, ladies!