Courtship. The wooing of one person by another, as the dictionary calls it. It’s also a concept that most people think is outdated. But in a world of rocky relationships and messy breakups, is the concept of taking a respectful, fulfilling approach to relationships really so off the wall?
Shannon Willhoite, a sophomore communications major, doesn’t think so.
“If I see someone as dating material, I have to get to know them on a deeper level,” she said. “If I can’t see myself being with him long-term, then I’m not going to waste my time on him.”
College students are well-known for perfecting the “casual” relationship. Hook-ups, booty calls and the increasingly popular “It’s Complicated” Facebook status seem to dominate the college dating scene. Taking responsibility for one’s feelings doesn’t seem to be a priority in most relationships anymore, and the ambiguity of labels like “It’s Complicated” only make that trend a more concrete part of relationships.
It makes for increasingly dangerous territory. For those of my friends who have been in relationships like this, despite the differences in each situation, a common thread runs through all of them: someone usually feels a false sense of security. Whether it’s the guy or the girl, someone in the relationship has a different set of expectations than the other person does. Respect takes a backseat as both people in the relationship start chasing after what they want.
Sooner or later, because of problems that stem from this lack of respect for the other person, it blows up in their faces. She cheats on him, he cheats on her, and for the next several months their resentment shows up in their Facebook status updates, as well as those of other people who get dragged into the mess. It’s almost laughable how much drama grows from a relationship where there isn’t a mutual sense of respect from the beginning.
Somewhere along the line, the concept of dating, in its modern sense, got twisted and redefined until there are several stages of in-between and the many broken hearts. Maybe it’s time to find a new approach to the way we relate to our friends of the opposite sex, so we can better avoid the hurt feelings that come with being in nonsensical relationships.
The idea of courtship, at its center, provides a better model for how to build the other person up in the relationship, not tear them down. It’s an idea worth exploring.