NBA announcer known for unique phrasing and insight retires

You may not have heard, but Bill Walton, the master of hyperbole, retired from NBA announcing earlier this month. After major back surgery last year, he decided he couldn̢۪t continue.

“As I return after a grueling multiyear, life-threatening, life-changing ordeal with back problems, it is time to dedicate the rest of my life to service,â€Â Mr. Walton said in his inimitable style in a statement on his retirement. “It is great to be back in the game. Thanks everybody — for everything.â€Â

No, thank YOU, Bill. Thank you for being the best passing big man of all time. Thank you for all the years at UCLA. Thank you for the years you spent at Portland and Boston (those with the Clippers, not so much). Thank you for your son, Luke Walton (wait – never mind, scratch that). Thank you for being the most polarizing basketball announcer of our time. And, finally, thank you for giving me this column idea.

And so, here is an ode to the great Bill Walton. The plan was to write the rest of this column in his style. But after researching some of his quotes, I’ve found that I would only do the great announcer a disservice and injustice. So here he is — the man, the myth, the legend, in his own words.

On Kobe Bryant’s offseason training results: “The added muscle and bulk from pushing that steel and the natural maturation process now enables this grandmaster to regularly accomplish the unimaginable without dragging around excessive bulk and baggage. Most top players get to the point they truly believe that anything is possible. Most are also governed by gravity, the laws of physics and self-regulating control mechanisms. Kobe has left all these behind. The extra strength and stamina have made him a superior 3-point shooter, a most dominant defender and arguably the game’s top rebounder.â€Â

On John Stockton: “John Stockton is one of the true marvels, not just of basketball, or in America, but in the history of Western civilization!â€Â

Tom Hammond: “Wow, that’s a pretty strong statement. I guess I don’t have a good handle on world history.â€Â

Bill Walton: “Well, Tom, that’s because you didn’t go to UCLA.â€Â

On the trade that brought Pau Gasol to the Lakers: “This is an epic and historic day for Los Angeles because Los Angeles gave up nothing and they got a big man who can run, rebound, think, catch — he is the anti-Kwame Brown.â€Â

On Tracy McGrady: “This guy has a chance to be the best player ever.â€Â

On the San Antonio Spurs set offense: “So little movement, move without the ball, set a screen for somebody.â€Â [Tony Parker hits a three-point shot]. “Great set offense.â€Â

When I was younger, I went to a basketball camp, the “B of A Jammin’ Hoops Camp,â€Â in which Bill Walton was the featured speaker. While doing a demonstration, he picked me out of all the kids and had me on the court dribbling and running plays with him. Afterwards he sought me out and signed me camp shirt and took a picture with me and my family (both of which I still have).

A year later, I went with my dad to UCLA, where my dad was taking his high school basketball team to a team camp. Bill Walton was there and I sprinted up to him asking if he remembered me. You could tell he didn̢۪t, but he put on a nice face and said he did. He was walking away when he came to the realization that he did remember me. He came back up to us and had a long conversation with us and gave me another autograph.

There could not be a nicer man than Bill Walton. In fact, he may have been the nicest of all time.