I’ve often wondered if my cats are lesbians. It probably doesn’t help that they have what could be porn star names—Shammy, Pony and Duchess.

But honestly, some of their stunts would be considered X-rated if they were human. I swear, cats can get away with just about anything.

It all started out innocently enough. After we put our first cat, Sue, to sleep, our other cat Duchess was lonely so we brought home a white kitten we named Snow Pony to keep her company.

After several weeks, Pony was nursing on the spayed Duchess like she was her own mother.

But the nursing continued way longer than it should have, till Pony was almost a year old. This was about the time she went into heat and tried to hump my foot.

I thought getting her fixed would curb Pony̢۪s sexual appetites, but soon after that, she and Duchess had progressed to mutual grooming and sharing a bed. It was rather sweet.

But then they actually started making out, or at least that̢۪s what it looked like. And the first time Pony mounted Duchess, my eyes nearly popped out of their sockets.

She was mimicking a male cat exactly, biting Duchess by the scruff of the neck to hold her still. Our fluffy calico did not like this at all, being the dominant one in the relationship.

Pony was rewarded with a hiss and a scratch on the nose.

I had heard of homosexual animals before; I̢۪ve read of paired-off male penguins and those frisky female bonobo chimps. But cats?

I guess it̢۪s possible. I̢۪ve seen a tomcat mount another male. That turned ugly fast.

Another year or so passed, and another kitten came our way, thanks to a friend who wasn̢۪t allowed pets in her living quarters. She was an aggressive Siamese mix named Shammy, and she immediately upset the feline equilibrium in the household.

The blue-eyed Shams preferred to nurse on human females instead of feline ones, and she always attacked the crotch first. It was just too gross for words; she was quickly trained to nurse on inanimate objects instead.

But a lesbian love triangle developed as soon as Shammy went into heat. All of a sudden, she was coming on to Duchess with deep-throated yowls, but attracted Pony instead.

I̢۪ll never forget the day I walked into the kitchen to find Shams purring seductively at an uninterested Duchess, and there was Pony, ever the enthusiast, face buried in Shammy̢۪s nether regions.

This went on for several days until we got the yowled spayed. The love triangle was no more, and it became quite obvious that there was no room for two dominant females in the same house.

Since then, Shammy and Duchess have been at constant war, trading off attacks, and Pony is torn between them. Duchess will always have a hold on her heart, it seems, as mutual grooming sessions commence, but sometimes Shammy will lure her away.

I don̢۪t know if any of this is normal, but I have no doubt that they are soulmates, whether lesbians or not.