Not doomed for failure, but it̢۪s very likely

Long-distance relationships don̢۪t always spell doom, but keep in mind that it takes two to tango. It̢۪s basically about communication and being on the same page, but even so, it̢۪s tough.

My first relationship morphed into a long-distance one for a summer; while he was off visiting his folks in London, I was taking summer courses at Reedley College.

It was hard but with constant e-mails and phone calls from across the globe (and despite a few misunderstandings), we made it work. I̢۪d write poetry and he̢۪d send little gifts.

But when he got back in August, things just weren̢۪t the same. He had become belligerent and verbally abusive, but I̢۪d fortunately developed a backbone.

About a year later, my next relationship was much healthier. The distance wasn̢۪t quite so far either, only about 30 miles. It also didn̢۪t hurt that I came back home to Fresno every weekend for a couple of dates before heading back to Reedley on Monday morning.

Then it came time to transfer to a university. I had my heart set on Sonoma State, but my boyfriend was in Fresno, plus it was cheaper to just move back in with my folks, so I chose Fresno State instead.

I eventually came to resent this decision, because it had always been a lifelong goal of mine to ditch Fresno for good. But alas, I was one of those girls who put her relationships ahead of everything else.

Several years later I was dating a dude I̢۪ll call Jim, and I admit, I should have run in the opposite direction.

He hadn̢۪t made a very good impression when he lied about his age, then about the number of chicks he̢۪d slept with.

And there were even more surprises in store.

We̢۪d only been seeing each other for a couple of months when he dropped another bombshell.
“Oh yeah, I’m moving to Reno at the end of the month.â€Â

Neither of us wanted to break up, so we agreed to keep in touch by phone, and I̢۪d come to visit him once he̢۪d gotten settled.

But only a week after his move, he called to fess up about a lap dance at a strip club.
Uh, no thanks, Jim. I̢۪m finished here.

So when my current guy dropped the news that his new job was 300 miles away, it hit me with a wave of déjí vu. My heart sank a bit.

Nevertheless, I started this latest long-distance deal with all the hope in the world, and while it wasn̢۪t at all a repeat of Jim, it quickly became obvious that we lacked the communication skills required to make something like this work.

We ended it last week, less than two months after he moved.

If I̢۪ve learned anything, it̢۪s that the road to not-quite hell is paved with my good intentions, and that despite the odds, I̢۪ve always been willing to give long-distance a shot, though I̢۪m increasingly weary.

I know they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my grandmother had her own version.

She used to say that absence makes the heart forget.

And these days, I must say, I̢۪m inclined to agree.