Nobody here plays Scrabble, it seems, aside from me.

Last week, marked the achievement of a personal goal I set for myself some months ago — I broke a score of 400 in a two-player game.

Enthusiastic, I told some of my colleagues here.

“Joanne!â€Â I called to The Collegian’s News editor, “I broke 400 in Scrabble last night!â€Â

Most people would respond with words, but what came from Joanne was pure apathy. Because I did not write her response down, I will paraphrase as best I can.

“The number of things I can hear and absorb is finite — you just wasted one of them.â€Â

It was like that, except with her eyes.

Not to be deterred, I turned to Editor-in-chief Jessica Szalay for support. She wasn’t much better.

“I think I’ve played maybe two games of Scrabble in my life.â€Â

And then, as if to save me from an even deeper depression, a deus ex machina: faculty adviser, Jefferson Beavers, strolled into the office. He̢۪s usually on my side.

“Hey! I finished a game of Scrabble with a score of 441 last night!â€Â

I will take this opportunity to remind you of the standardized tests we were forced to slog through as younger students. I remember the math questions in particular, which often featured boxes filled with alternating patterns and shapes:

37. Square, Pentagon, Hexagon, Septagon, ________.

a. lexicon
b. Chexagon
c. T. Rexagon
d. I know the answer, and it isn’t listed, but it’s whatever a stop sign is.

That̢۪s right, a stop sign.

Stop, and consider the pattern in place. What do you think Mr. Beavers said?

****

Scrabble words every serious player should know include: ja, jo, joe, joes, qi, qis, qat, qats, ax, axe, axes, ex, ox, oxes, oxen, za, zag, zags, zap, zas, zax, zo, zoa, zoo, zoos, mzee muzjiks. Cheaters, click here.

e. Tex-Mexagon?