The Super Bowl is the time for snowboarding. I̢۪m a cynic, and the Super Bowl has done nothing but make me groan in previous years.
I̢۪m overjoyed that the Green Bay Packers are not in the Super Bowl because I think my lifetime patience of hearing Brett Favre̢۪s name is up.
First there is the New England Patriots. Just like you, I hate them. Hate̢۪s a strong word, but an appropriate one nonetheless.
I̢۪d apologize about hating on Tom Brady, but fantasy football season is over. The Pats are undefeated. Everyone who cares knows.
The New York Giants are moving up. The Giants have the best defense in the league and have won the last three games on the road. It has the potential to be an epic game.
The Patriots and Giants played on the last day of the regular season. It was close, 38-35 but, it was in New England.
Arizona̢۪s a different place. No one has home-field advantage now.
I̢۪m a cynic about the Super Bowl for a variety of reasons. First, it takes about four days for the game to start.
I̢۪m serious.
Just wait until about Thursday. It̢۪s already begun.
Oh no, Brady̢۪s wearing a boot! Controversy! Let̢۪s dedicate an entire SportsCenter to watching that 30 second clip of Brady walk to his girlfriend̢۪s apartment.
But wait, now he̢۪s not wearing a boot. Even the 24-hour news channels got in on it. Now Bill Belichick refuses to discuss it.
Like I care Brady has been on the injury report every week this year for his shoulder. A record 50 touchdown passes beg to differ.
Just be happy that Randy Moss hasn̢۪t done anything. Yet.
The Giants have the perfect role. They are massive underdogs, they have a head coach that has a single facial expression of disbelief, and the Giants have a quarterback that hasn̢۪t ever smiled in public.
It̢۪s a wonderful tandem. Grimace and disbelief. The non-New York media doesn̢۪t care about them.
It̢۪s all about the Patriots.
Hey! Those all sound like reasons to watch the Super Bowl. They aren̢۪t.
Here̢۪s what I̢۪m going to do instead of watching the Super Bowl. I̢۪m going snowboarding. Nobody goes to the slopes on Super Bowl Sunday. It̢۪s a great time to go.
People do not want to miss the Super Bowl. Many dedicate the whole day to it. There is always so much wasted time before the kickoff that I will still be able to watch at least three hours of the Super Bowl. The game, not the pregame. The pregame is what kills me.
It̢۪s a tried tactic. As a kid, I would go skiing on Super Bowl Sunday. I̢۪d get home at around 4 p.m., which is usually midway through the first quarter.
I̢۪m also angry about the Super Bowl because the one year that I didn̢۪t go to the slopes to snowboard or ski, I was outside playing catch with friends. It was a football. I missed the Janet Jackson show.
It̢۪s odd how you get inspired athletically to whatever big events are on. If football is on, you want to go throw a football.
During March Madness, you see exponentially more people at the basketball courts. The World Series brings out wiffle ball. The World Cup, maybe a little soccer.
I don̢۪t think that the Stanley Cup brings out hockey tendencies, at least not in California. Not enough frozen ponds.
On Super Bowl Sunday, waste as much time as possible before turning on the television. Wasting the day away snowboarding or tossing the football around is a good bet.
If you do decide to play wiffle ball, make sure you do not start until at least 2 p.m. Then when you turn on the television the Budweiser-Aflac-Cialis-Ford-Apple-GMC- OfficeMax-Cadillac-IBM-Enzyte-sponsored Super Bowl will have already started.
Then you̢۪ll be able to watch the Giants ruin the perfect season of the Patriots.