You’ve decided that cheating isn’t worth it, and buying term papers online is pretty chancy.
You’ve come to the perfect place. There’s some really juicy stuff in our three-part series that will be sure to slick up that horribly boring paper or add a bit of spice to your brainchild’s near-perfection.
Those of you well versed in putting two words together might know all this basic advice. Skip ahead to Part 2 for a trick or two that takes the bother out of ordering books from the Henry Madden secret underground warehouse.
For the rest of you, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
The Basics
1. Don’t put it off.
That, at least, should be obvious. Get started early, and definitely don’t wait until the last minute. Give yourself a deadline at least a week earlier to give you time for our next step.
2. First drafts suck.
You’ve probably heard it more times than you can stomach, but it’s true: the best writers carefully edit their work over and over again.
If you really don’t want to work at it, hand it to a couple journalism majors — if they know what they’re doing, they’ll set you up for success. Call it pride or personal experience, but I say other writing majors like passive voice a little too much.
3. Know what you’re talking about.
I hope you can puzzle this one out.
4. Don’t play too much with the font size and margin width.
Your professor was an undergraduate once, too — she probably knows all the tricks and if she cares will be looking out for them.
If you think you can get away with it, don’t be too overt — use an unbolded Arial font no larger than 13 points.
5. Never use “Webster defines.â€Â
It’s a stupid trope of bad papers, and I will hunt you down, limb by limb. More immediately, I’ve told your professor not to give you higher than a C.
Of course, if you̢۪re in a lower-division G.E. class, a grad assistant especially will celebrate your birth and upbringing when they see that one person in the entire class actually spelled Webster right, capitalizing the W to boot.
6. Save any fancy formatting for last, including style.
If you don’t, you’ll be too torn between Gothic and Chiller fonts, and whether headings and subheadings should be bold, italicized and/or underlined.
By the time you get done with your snazzy title page, you’ll be too sick of looking at your computer screen to actually do any work. Content first, then bells and whistles.
Bold and italics always look better than underline. Don̢۪t use underline unless style requires.
7. Know your style.
Are you MLA or APA or Chicago or Harvard? Figure it out, and pay attention when you go back through for the final edit.
That̢۪s it.
Your paper should be looking pretty good by now. We̢۪re only missing the citations. They̢۪re usually the hardest and most frustrating part.
Guess what Part 2 is all about. Part 3 continues the citation discussion with tips and tricks for an online journal database.
The dude that reads Ben's article for enjoyment and has a new goal to just piss off whatever • Nov 6, 2007 at 11:56 pm
amen dude
The dude that reads Ben's arti • Nov 7, 2007 at 6:56 am
amen dude
annoyed • Nov 7, 2007 at 6:50 am
If you read the print version of the Collegian, you would notice that there are numerous contributors, besides Ben, to the opinion section. Actually, the vast majority of the opinion pieces are written by other students on campus. However, Ben does seem to be the sole contributor to the blog section–with the exception of a few blogs here and there. This blog section, obviously, is only in the online version of the paper. Now your attitude towards the “just don’t read it” statement is legitimate, but if you truly don’t want to read about Ben’s rantings–most of the rantings you don’t like are within his blogs–then don’t go through the trouble of reading this particular online section. I doubt that your measley contribution of funds used to run the paper are of such importance that you feel you’re being cheated and need to voice your opinion. Seems like you just want to start an argument.
And as for your comment about the editors voicing their opinions, the opinions section, like any other section of the paper, has its own featured writers. The writers tend to have their own individual section that they feel is their “niche” and that’s the section they write for a majority of the time. The editors are usually busy managing their own section and spend more time editing and such than writing. However, the editors do contribute to the Collegian, such as when the byline reads “Staff Reports.” I don’t know very many papers where the editors contribute a great deal of writing within the paper.
Now feel free to continue voicing your opinion about the writers and the editors and the paper in general. There’s always going to be people who don’t appreciate the work of their peers. I’m sure that whatever major you are, there are others that are not as impressed about your work as you think they are or should be. The only difference is, the Collegian staff writers’ work are all on display for comments, both negative and positive–your work isn’t.
annoyed • Nov 6, 2007 at 11:50 pm
If you read the print version of the Collegian, you would notice that there are numerous contributors, besides Ben, to the opinion section. Actually, the vast majority of the opinion pieces are written by other students on campus. However, Ben does seem to be the sole contributor to the blog section–with the exception of a few blogs here and there. This blog section, obviously, is only in the online version of the paper. Now your attitude towards the “just don’t read it” statement is legitimate, but if you truly don’t want to read about Ben’s rantings–most of the rantings you don’t like are within his blogs–then don’t go through the trouble of reading this particular online section. I doubt that your measley contribution of funds used to run the paper are of such importance that you feel you’re being cheated and need to voice your opinion. Seems like you just want to start an argument.
And as for your comment about the editors voicing their opinions, the opinions section, like any other section of the paper, has its own featured writers. The writers tend to have their own individual section that they feel is their “niche” and that’s the section they write for a majority of the time. The editors are usually busy managing their own section and spend more time editing and such than writing. However, the editors do contribute to the Collegian, such as when the byline reads “Staff Reports.” I don’t know very many papers where the editors contribute a great deal of writing within the paper.
Now feel free to continue voicing your opinion about the writers and the editors and the paper in general. There’s always going to be people who don’t appreciate the work of their peers. I’m sure that whatever major you are, there are others that are not as impressed about your work as you think they are or should be. The only difference is, the Collegian staff writers’ work are all on display for comments, both negative and positive–your work isn’t.
Plese... get a life... • Nov 6, 2007 at 10:35 pm
off-topic annoyance and whatever are just mad that they have small penises… they don’t lack on big mouths either…. it’s always the lame ones talking mess, you two probably got cut from the high school baseball team as freshmen and now you guys are just all doom and gloom… it is probably the reason why you respond at one in the morning and stay in your room talking crap with plenty of lotion and kleenex… congrats…
Plese... get a life... • Nov 7, 2007 at 5:35 am
off-topic annoyance and whatever are just mad that they have small penises… they don’t lack on big mouths either…. it’s always the lame ones talking mess, you two probably got cut from the high school baseball team as freshmen and now you guys are just all doom and gloom… it is probably the reason why you respond at one in the morning and stay in your room talking crap with plenty of lotion and kleenex… congrats…
Benjamin Baxter • Nov 6, 2007 at 10:45 am
The Collegian Staff Comment
Future Squirrel Stuffer
I should have brought popcorn.
I appreciate the positive feedback, too. I don’t usually get it online.
Benjamin Baxter • Nov 6, 2007 at 5:45 pm
The Collegian Staff Comment
Future Squirrel Stuffer
I should have brought popcorn.
I appreciate the positive feedback, too. I don’t usually get it online.
The dude that reads Ben's article for enjoyment and has a new goal to just piss off whatever • Nov 6, 2007 at 1:29 am
I don’t find his articles talking down to me… not many people can write so that all people of literary levels can understand it. Not everybody can read or read well… so he has to find that happy median so all readers can enjoy. If you feel that ben is talking down to you then maybe you should study harder and become more smarter (yes i used a grammatical error)
The self righteous mess is apart of ben’s humor… too bad you have that pole shoved so far up that it causes you to miss the sarcasm. such a shame that your life is miserable… please don’t ruin our enjoyment with your “complaints” or negativity directed towards ben. Stop or i shall have to call you a squirrel stuffer!!!!
The dude that reads Ben's arti • Nov 6, 2007 at 8:29 am
I don’t find his articles talking down to me… not many people can write so that all people of literary levels can understand it. Not everybody can read or read well… so he has to find that happy median so all readers can enjoy. If you feel that ben is talking down to you then maybe you should study harder and become more smarter (yes i used a grammatical error)
The self righteous mess is apart of ben’s humor… too bad you have that pole shoved so far up that it causes you to miss the sarcasm. such a shame that your life is miserable… please don’t ruin our enjoyment with your “complaints” or negativity directed towards ben. Stop or i shall have to call you a squirrel stuffer!!!!
Whatever • Nov 6, 2007 at 1:20 am
I was going to stay ouf of this. It’s a bad habit and doesn’t accomplish anything. But since I was brought up by name…
I don’t need to prove my literary ability by submitting things to the school paper. For all you know I’m the editor of the Los Angeles Times.
Also, it’s not my purpose in life to complain about Baxter, but I do question his motive and tone in most of his opinion pieces and blogs.
He writes as if this is all just something to amuse himself and kill some time while making a few dollars between classes. It does take a fair amount of work (although I wish the collegian would contact some of the thousands of experts around town who would be willing to share knowledge to aid opinion pieces, as most undergrads lack the life experience and make ridiculous arguments after conducting little or no research), writing ability and imagination to print this stuff. Again, my problem is with tone and motive. Who benefits from these pieces?
Baxter’s tone is very self-righteous and he makes a habit of talking down to readers, basically calling everyone besides himself a numbskull.
Meanwhile, his only apparent claim to justify this know-it-all tone seems to be that he thinks he’s smarter than everyone. This is not what newsprint should be wasted on.
As this is the school paper, which students fund, albeit with a relatively small fee, I don’t subscribe to the “just don’t read it” concept. Some of us value the school paper and if we don’t like the way it’s being run we are right to complain about it.
And just to reply beforehand: No, not all of us are able to contribute to the paper. However, I wonder why the rest of the Collegian staff doesn’t participate nearly as much. Let’s see what the editors have on their minds individually.
Whatever • Nov 6, 2007 at 8:20 am
I was going to stay ouf of this. It’s a bad habit and doesn’t accomplish anything. But since I was brought up by name…
I don’t need to prove my literary ability by submitting things to the school paper. For all you know I’m the editor of the Los Angeles Times.
Also, it’s not my purpose in life to complain about Baxter, but I do question his motive and tone in most of his opinion pieces and blogs.
He writes as if this is all just something to amuse himself and kill some time while making a few dollars between classes. It does take a fair amount of work (although I wish the collegian would contact some of the thousands of experts around town who would be willing to share knowledge to aid opinion pieces, as most undergrads lack the life experience and make ridiculous arguments after conducting little or no research), writing ability and imagination to print this stuff. Again, my problem is with tone and motive. Who benefits from these pieces?
Baxter’s tone is very self-righteous and he makes a habit of talking down to readers, basically calling everyone besides himself a numbskull.
Meanwhile, his only apparent claim to justify this know-it-all tone seems to be that he thinks he’s smarter than everyone. This is not what newsprint should be wasted on.
As this is the school paper, which students fund, albeit with a relatively small fee, I don’t subscribe to the “just don’t read it” concept. Some of us value the school paper and if we don’t like the way it’s being run we are right to complain about it.
And just to reply beforehand: No, not all of us are able to contribute to the paper. However, I wonder why the rest of the Collegian staff doesn’t participate nearly as much. Let’s see what the editors have on their minds individually.
Ash Ketchum Bowser • Nov 5, 2007 at 2:58 pm
where were my Fresno Bee and NY Times paper this morning!? ASI is slacking
Ash Ketchum Bowser • Nov 5, 2007 at 9:58 pm
where were my Fresno Bee and NY Times paper this morning!? ASI is slacking
Ash Ketchum Bowser • Nov 5, 2007 at 2:57 pm
y’all are some haters. Ben’s columns and op-ed pieces are actually entertaining. The Collegian is one of the few things running well on this sad campus. The sports teams suck, the administration is corrupt, the tuition is getting out of control, and the services available to students are rapidly declining. The paper should be focusing more on those topics. Not to mention, at least 1/3 of the students filling seats in classrooms have no business attending a university. While I didn’t vote for the Collegian’s funding increase, they seem to be doing a 3.5/5 star job. The ethnic pieces they choose to insert into the Friday editions are another story. Those things are utter garbage.
Ash Ketchum Bowser • Nov 5, 2007 at 9:57 pm
y’all are some haters. Ben’s columns and op-ed pieces are actually entertaining. The Collegian is one of the few things running well on this sad campus. The sports teams suck, the administration is corrupt, the tuition is getting out of control, and the services available to students are rapidly declining. The paper should be focusing more on those topics. Not to mention, at least 1/3 of the students filling seats in classrooms have no business attending a university. While I didn’t vote for the Collegian’s funding increase, they seem to be doing a 3.5/5 star job. The ethnic pieces they choose to insert into the Friday editions are another story. Those things are utter garbage.
annoyed • Nov 5, 2007 at 1:24 pm
There’s always something to be said on each of Ben’s, as well as the other Collegian writers’, articles. But that’s good, right? This is what the online edition of the paper is supposed to do–make it all interactive and to get feedback. It’s actually quite entertaining as well. Especially when people like you, off-topic annoyance, rant and whine about how much they don’t like the Collegian. Well, what I want to ask is, then why do you read it?
You ask Ben “How could anyone be interested in your opinions?”
It looks pretty obvious to me that you seem pretty interested in it yourself to the point where you read his piece (your comments clearly show that you read it). If you don’t care for Ben’s opinions, or think his opinions aren’t worth reading about, then skip over it. But do remember, it’s the opinion section his articles appear in–not everyone is going to agree with him. Opinions are not there to state facts or let people know about late-breaking news. Opinion pieces are there to let people know what someone is thinking about a particular issue. But if you think that your own opinion is more worthy than Ben’s, then go ahead and write your own piece and send it into the Collegian. I’m sure they’ll be more than happy to publish it. That is, if it’s worthy of publishing. But then again, you must think that your own writing is much better than anyone else’s at the Collegian or else you wouldn’t be making such comments. So should I look for an article with your real name as the byline?
On another note, to say that all of the Collegian writers and contributors produce “trash” is absurd. The paper has been praised by students and faculty for its content and its writers. True, not every article is enthralling or grammatically perfect, but it is a student-run paper. Those people are trying to gain some experience in the field of journalism. I’m sure they’re not trying to compete with the Wall Stree Journal. These students have jobs and classes and homework as well, yet are able to produce a publication that allows the campus to know what’s going on and to offer support to various departments, clubs and organizations that would otherwise be left in the dark.
Also, you must not be aware of any of the work that many of the Collegian writers have done outside of the campus paper. Your comment of “No one in their right mind would pay you, or any other writer that I’ve read here, to report or editorialize anything” shows just how little you know about the talent of these writers. So many students that make up the staff have written for numerous Valley magazines and newspapers–and yes, they are paid. So I guess you’re saying that there isn’t a single editor in the entire Central Valley that is “in their right mind.” I think it’s more so the fact that you just don’t realize talent when you see it.
But if you fstill eel the Collegian is trash, then don’t read it. You’re not forced to. Yet you’re obviously you’re making the choice to pick up the Collegian even though you have the option of reading The New York Times or The Fresno Bee. Both are readily available like the Collegian.
annoyed • Nov 5, 2007 at 8:24 pm
There’s always something to be said on each of Ben’s, as well as the other Collegian writers’, articles. But that’s good, right? This is what the online edition of the paper is supposed to do–make it all interactive and to get feedback. It’s actually quite entertaining as well. Especially when people like you, off-topic annoyance, rant and whine about how much they don’t like the Collegian. Well, what I want to ask is, then why do you read it?
You ask Ben “How could anyone be interested in your opinions?”
It looks pretty obvious to me that you seem pretty interested in it yourself to the point where you read his piece (your comments clearly show that you read it). If you don’t care for Ben’s opinions, or think his opinions aren’t worth reading about, then skip over it. But do remember, it’s the opinion section his articles appear in–not everyone is going to agree with him. Opinions are not there to state facts or let people know about late-breaking news. Opinion pieces are there to let people know what someone is thinking about a particular issue. But if you think that your own opinion is more worthy than Ben’s, then go ahead and write your own piece and send it into the Collegian. I’m sure they’ll be more than happy to publish it. That is, if it’s worthy of publishing. But then again, you must think that your own writing is much better than anyone else’s at the Collegian or else you wouldn’t be making such comments. So should I look for an article with your real name as the byline?
On another note, to say that all of the Collegian writers and contributors produce “trash” is absurd. The paper has been praised by students and faculty for its content and its writers. True, not every article is enthralling or grammatically perfect, but it is a student-run paper. Those people are trying to gain some experience in the field of journalism. I’m sure they’re not trying to compete with the Wall Stree Journal. These students have jobs and classes and homework as well, yet are able to produce a publication that allows the campus to know what’s going on and to offer support to various departments, clubs and organizations that would otherwise be left in the dark.
Also, you must not be aware of any of the work that many of the Collegian writers have done outside of the campus paper. Your comment of “No one in their right mind would pay you, or any other writer that I’ve read here, to report or editorialize anything” shows just how little you know about the talent of these writers. So many students that make up the staff have written for numerous Valley magazines and newspapers–and yes, they are paid. So I guess you’re saying that there isn’t a single editor in the entire Central Valley that is “in their right mind.” I think it’s more so the fact that you just don’t realize talent when you see it.
But if you fstill eel the Collegian is trash, then don’t read it. You’re not forced to. Yet you’re obviously you’re making the choice to pick up the Collegian even though you have the option of reading The New York Times or The Fresno Bee. Both are readily available like the Collegian.
Whatever • Nov 5, 2007 at 12:18 pm
You tell em, brother!
Whatever • Nov 5, 2007 at 7:18 pm
You tell em, brother!
off-topic annoyance • Nov 5, 2007 at 11:51 am
I’m so sick of your columns, Baxter. In fact, I’m sick of the Collegian in general. Everyone knows this paper is nothing but trash to stare at during our boring GE classes. Your column is always some over-dramatic nonsense about a typically boring activity, and you routinely drag up ridiculous arguments and occassions for no other purpose than to fill a column. No one in their right mind would pay you, or any other writer that I’ve read here, to report or editorialize anything. I sincerely doubt you’d even get an unpaid internship. Your writing is pointless. How could anyone be interested in your opinions? Even if they were unusual, unique, or reflective of the majority of students, your writing is so self-righteous and colloquial, so base… it makes me groan every time I see another column with your byline. If you’re going to continue to waste paper and ink with your poor excuse for literature, at least tell me something I dont know; not nominally reflective, cursory opinions about issues hardly worth considering. You’re on the fringe, not on the edge. You’re niether influential, nor offensive, nor credible, nor insightful. I’ve kept hoping you’d graduate before me so that your column would be replaced, or even discontinued. I’d prefer you wrote with less-than-perfect grammar and diction in favor of your articles having substance, clarity, and importance.
off-topic annoyance • Nov 5, 2007 at 6:51 pm
I’m so sick of your columns, Baxter. In fact, I’m sick of the Collegian in general. Everyone knows this paper is nothing but trash to stare at during our boring GE classes. Your column is always some over-dramatic nonsense about a typically boring activity, and you routinely drag up ridiculous arguments and occassions for no other purpose than to fill a column. No one in their right mind would pay you, or any other writer that I’ve read here, to report or editorialize anything. I sincerely doubt you’d even get an unpaid internship. Your writing is pointless. How could anyone be interested in your opinions? Even if they were unusual, unique, or reflective of the majority of students, your writing is so self-righteous and colloquial, so base… it makes me groan every time I see another column with your byline. If you’re going to continue to waste paper and ink with your poor excuse for literature, at least tell me something I dont know; not nominally reflective, cursory opinions about issues hardly worth considering. You’re on the fringe, not on the edge. You’re niether influential, nor offensive, nor credible, nor insightful. I’ve kept hoping you’d graduate before me so that your column would be replaced, or even discontinued. I’d prefer you wrote with less-than-perfect grammar and diction in favor of your articles having substance, clarity, and importance.