SITTING INDIAN-STYLE in front of my TV, I waited for my favorite tennis player, Martina Hingis, to start her match.

Excitement ran through me every time Hingis had a tennis match. I wanted to play like her, be like her and even be a role model, like she was to me. Being 11 years old, my attention span was short unless my favorite tennis player was on TV.

I was on the Internet and I read the headline “Tennis Star Tested Positive for Cocaine.â€Â Out of curiosity, I went to the link to see who it was. Then I saw a picture of my role model.

Hingis tested positive for cocaine while at Wimbledon this year. Accusations began. Both sides have their stories.

Could it be? My jaw dropped. I was in shock. Is it true? Is there a mistake?

Questions ran through my mind quicker than I could think of an answer.

Hingis said she is not guilty. She said she couldn̢۪t play a match if she was on cocaine. Her lawyers said the federation couldn̢۪t prove it was her urine sample.

The same day the accusations were made public, Hingis decided to retire again. She had retired before, back in 2003, due to injuries. She came back to play in 2006.

I was upset that she would retire over this. I couldn̢۪t understand why someone who loved playing could quit over something she was trying to prove she didn̢۪t do.

It was too much to take in. My favorite tennis player since age 11 and her career seemed to crumble in front of my eyes within hours. I was saddened and disappointed all at once.

Why should I be surprised? I always seem to pick players who get in trouble. One of my favorite basketball players, Jason Kidd, has been in trouble for allegedly hitting his wife. My favorite baseball player, Alex Rodriguez, was seen around town with a woman who wasn̢۪t his wife. The list goes on and on.

Was it in my fate to have another athlete I adore to fail in someway? It seemed that was how the cards were being dealt.

Hingis, a player who turned professional weeks after turning 14, had a bright future ahead of her. She had sponsors such as Yonex and Adidas. She won five grand slams in her career and held the number 1 ranking for a record 209 weeks.

When life is at a high point, it can still all come tumbling down in an instant. Things happen, people change and no explanation is given.

Retiring was a decision Hingis made hoping she could then skip out on any legal process that might take place. But it turns out the legal process doesn̢۪t go away just because someone retires. Court dates may still loom in Hingis̢۪s future.

Dreams of wanting to play like her have faded over the years, but my faithfulness to her hasn̢۪t changed. People make mistakes. No one is perfect. Regardless of whether the allegations are true or not, I won̢۪t turn my back on someone I grew up watching and looked up to.

Getting my first racquet is a memory I will never forget. I walked into Big 5, acting as though I knew what I wanted. I strutted to the tennis racquets and then realized how many different Yonex racquets there were. Staring at the wall that held the racquets, I wasn’t sure where to start. Buying a Yonex racquet was key for me — I could be just like Hingis. I finally found the racquet that looked just like my favorite player’s racquet. I imagined myself as Charlie when he found the golden ticket. It was one of the first moments where I couldn’t describe how I felt.

It was amazing.

Being 11 years old and thinking I could play as well as Hingis felt great. At that point I never thought I would choose someone who might use drugs.

I am 24 now, and I know anything can happen. Even someone who seems to be a goodie-two-shoes can mess up.

I have my thoughts about everything that has happened and as much as I want to believe the person I once looked up to, it is hard to deny a test that is rarely wrong.

Could someone play tennis after taking cocaine? Sure.

But just because the test showed she tested positive doesn̢۪t mean she used cocaine on the day of her match.

It could have been done the day before or before that.

I am against the use of drugs, but I understand people do what they do for different reasons.

As I think about it now, disappointment is the only thing I feel.