A Date with Disaster

By Joshua D scroggin

Two groups of people should go see “Win a Date with Tad Hamilton”—those who have a financial stake in its future and those who actually want to date Tad Hamilton.

If you’re not in either one of those groups, put the movie theater gift certificates you got for Christmas back in their protective sleeve and save them for “Spiderman 2.”

It isn’t just the hackneyed storyline that should disgust everyone besides those who aren’t swimming in the dreamy eyes of Tad (Josh Duhamel, formerly of “All My Children” fame). The movie is so simple it confuses anyone not in their preteens.

Twelve-year-old girls should love this movie, but I’ve never actually seen one reading The Collegian, so it’s time to be honest.

We’ve all seen this worn-out plotline before. The nerdy best friend, in this case played by Topher Grace (“That ‘70s Show”), is in love with his best friend, “Blue Crush’s” Kate Bosworth.

The living cliché that is Grace’s character, Pete—a carbon copy of Eric from “That ‘70s Show”—has to cross the line between friendship and romance, but the hunky dream guy stands in the way.

The twist in this film is that the hunk is movie star goliath Tad Hamilton. Hamilton would be the male version of an America’s sweetheart if that isn’t too much of an oxymoron.

There isn’t a woman alive who would dump him to be with the 140-pound Eric from “That ‘70s Show,” but somebody has got to do something.

It all reads nice and easy—on paper—but start the movie and logic is thrown out the window, into a mud puddle and trampled by the paparazzi.

Let’s start with the title of the film, “Win a Date with Tad Hamilton.” You’d think the movie would have something to do with winning a date with Tad Hamilton. Big mistake.

Bosworth’s character, Rosalee, does indeed win a date with Hamilton, but simple questions such as how and why must have never entered the filmmakers minds.

Rosalee entered a contest and was the winner. All of this happens in a span of maybe five minutes, and I still don’t know how—and I never will.

In real time, the period between when Rosalee finds out about the contest and when her date with Hamilton is over seems shorter than the preview trailers that played before the movie.

The rest of the film has nothing to do with either winning or dating Hamilton, but Hamilton does mysteriously fall in love with Rosalee and every one of his subsequent actions lack any kind of motivation comprehendible by the human brain.

Grace seems to be stuck playing Eric from “That ‘70s Show” much like Sean William Scott is continually reprising his role as Stifler, and Bosworth didn’t seem any different than she did in “Blue Crush.”

The only original character was Hamilton, and Jerry Seinfeld would feel guilty asking what the deal is with him.

I give “Win a Date with Tad Hamilton” thumbs down. It made me want to leave the theater.

Grade: D