Keep college friends close for life

By Yoshie Okabe

To determine whether a friendship has ended, it must first be determined whether a friendship existed in the first place. All relationships are not friendships. We must first define what a friendship is. I believe the meaning of friendship is very well expressed by the following poem the author of which is unknown.

If I am feeling cross,

and you cross my mind,

I know I can grin and bear it

When a happy day comes,

you are always the one,

that I want to be with to share it.

You are a friend for all seasons,

one of a kind,

and I want you to know it is true

That my life has been richer,

because I have found,

the meaning of friendship in you.

Friendship, like love, is considered one of the most precious and greatest gifts of all from our fellow men. Friendship plays a major role in each of our lives. Friendship can be defined as an emotional expression in displaying our feeling of caring, sharing, giving and nurturing for others. Friendship is a unique inspiration to everyone and helps our peace of mind.

Friendship can be expressed by the quality of one’s heart and kindness. Friendship is not a matter of judging by one’s outward appearance, but rather by one’s inner beauty. It’s the decent heart and golden mind that earn friendship and respect.

Friendship is not measured by a person’s status of poor or rich, but by the content of their character. Friendship is about reaching out and seeking the help of others and putting a smile on other’s faces. True friendship can only be earned and given and it can’t be bought or sold. The secret to receiving friendship is to give it back.

In our lifetime, almost all people have experienced friendships that have ended. There are many reasons why friendships end. One may be that people’s points of views changed.

Benjamin Cook, a student at UC San Diego, said, “One of my friends ended our relationship saying it was not enough to share a common interest, we now have different goals and no longer have enough time to spend with each other.” Also, Kazuya Nishimura of Palomar College in San Diego said, “A friend of mine stopped sharing time with me. We used to throw ideas at one another like people volleying in tennis.” These are only two of the many stories of friendships that ended because of changing views.

Secondly, to lose respect tends to suspend our relationships because people can no longer trust each another. For example, a person borrowed money while traveling with friends. After three months had passed, the person still had not repaid the money even after people had asked the person to do so. The respect was gone, and the friendship was over.

Thirdly, time and distance can end a friendship. For example, after graduating from school or changing jobs, people move away from each other. They may call each other once a day, the first week, then once a week and then gradually they acquired new friends, and the old friendship fades away.

Fourthly, the friendship becomes too close. One person in the friendship falls in love with the other, but the feeling is not mutual. The friendship is over.

Fifthly, (and the worst reason!) you get tired of the person. Haven’t you ever had friends who could not stop talking about themselves? For example, you meet at a political discussion so you think you have a lot of common. After being around him for months, you come to realize he is more interested in himself than politics. The conversations are always one-sided… his side—the friendship is over.

There are other reasons, I am sure you can think of reasons your own friendships have ended just like Cristine Hoovler, a graduate student at Fresno State, “We moved on to different life goals and situations, our point of common interest ceased to exist, or we weren’t close enough to justify the time and effort involved in maintaining the relationship.”

Friendships are very important—they may come to an end. But perhaps the most important thing to keep in mind is that life goes on.

— This columnist can be reached at collegian@csufresno.edu