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<td width="343" valign="bottom"><p class="date"><!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="date" --><a href="default.html">10/20/03 • Vol.
127, No. 24</a><!-- InstanceEndEditable --></p></td>
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<p><a href="simplertext.jsp">Sexy, sophisticated—but sometimes stoopid</a></p>
<p><a href="doghouse.jsp">Having something to read while putting—priceless</a></p>
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<h1>Sexy, sophisticated—but sometimes stoopid</h1>
<p class="byline">Simpler Text By Joshua D. Scroggin</p>
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<p align="justify">-Art by John Rios</p>
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<p>Some of my biggest heroes are the women I know. It is a physiological
fact that women are nearly 10 times smarter than men. They know how to
make us do what they want. Plus, they’re hot.</p>
<p> But let me tell you this much ladies, I am losing some of my faith
in the abilities of your superhuman race.</p>
<p> You do have a weakness.</p>
<p> It happened after I found out FOX would be airing a Joe Millionaire
sequel. Yeah, you know the show where a bunch of single women fought
for the
hand of a multi-millionaire—only to find out he was a bum off the
streets. </p>
<p> “
Joe Millionaire TWO?!” I thought.</p>
<p> After some 40-million people watched the last season finale, how could
they possibly dupe another group of women? </p>
<p> The idea totally clashed with the second sentence of this column—a
deeply-ingrained philosophy of mine.</p>
<p> It hurt my feelings to think women might actually be as dumb as men.
It’s like finding out Superman lost to Lex Luthor. It’s just
not right.</p>
<p> As it turns out, this time around FOX is using foreign women who’ve
never heard of the show. I guess that’s OK, but it got me thinking.
Why do women keep participating in these gold-digger shows?</p>
<p> Why would someone knowingly broadcast to the nation her attempt to
convince some rich guy to want to marry her?</p>
<p> And it’s not just Joe Millionaire. There’s The Bachelor and
For Love or Money.</p>
<p> No matter what happens, it will only be the biggest embarrassment of
her life. Remember the chick who went into the woods with Joe Millionaire
last year? </p>
<p> What a mistake. She didn’t even get the handsome reward. Joe and
the woman he chose split a million dollars. </p>
<p> The woman who made the infamously audible slurp, posed nude for playboy.
Either way, they all got paid.</p>
<p> And that’s what it’s all about. Women keep going on these
shows for the love of the green—or the pink and green for anyone
who’s seen the new twenties.</p>
<p> Women seem like they’d do anything on television for a chance to
get some money. It’s kind of like guys and boobs.</p>
<p> Someone call the College Board and put it on next year’s SAT test.</p>
<p> •
Men are to boobs as women are to ____.</p>
<p> a) food</p>
<p> b) cats</p>
<p> c) money</p>
<p> d) chocolate</p>
<p> The answer is c.</p>
<p> And I’m not just demeaning women, so ladies, please keep your bras on and
don’t stop shaving your arms. I love you all, and I still think you’re
smarter than all of us.</p>
<p> But I’m just disappointed… </p>
<p> <em>— This columnist can be reached at collegian@csufresno.edu</em></p>
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